Friday 22nd July 11
Leave Broad Chalke at 7am and drive to Yorkshire via Salisbury to collect Amy from sleepover at Punky haired Emily’s house. Rather amazingly Amy is up and ready to leave as we draw up outside.
Journey uneventful and fears of cat mania/ dog flatulence unfounded. Arrive Catterick at lunchtime. Point out row of buildings to children on way in and say ‘Those used to be called White Shops’. Amy asks why and I say ‘Because they are shops and are painted white’ and ask what other reason there could be. She says ‘I thought perhaps they used to only serve white people’. I say that we are in Catterick and not Alabama. Think studying Black Civil Rights movement in History lessons has taken over her brain.
Meet Rob at the HUGE quarter and promptly go out to get chips for lunch as only supplies available in house appear to be cereal, ready meals and beer.
Sunday 24th July 11
Nephew Toby staying with us. Eats constantly. Think perhaps we are not feeding him enough. After large lunch at Mum and Dad’s we return to Catterick. Are sitting in garden when Tom appears to ask on Toby’s behalf if we can get a takeaway. Answer is ‘No, go and make yourself beans on toast’
Monday 25th July 11
Go to Ikea in Gateshead to buy things for house. Amy says she would like to move into Ikea permanently and live on meatballs and Daime bars. I purchase large quantities of scented candles to mask dog smelliness.
Tuesday 26th July 11
Toby asks ‘Can we have a pudding tonight?’ I say ‘No’. Poor Toby. He reveals that he has his recipe book which he has brought with him and that he would like to add a new pudding to it. I say ‘Still no.’ I take new dog to vet for vaccination and drop boys in Richmond. Ask vet if there is any remedy for Pepper’s wind problem. He recommends changing her diet (we already have and she farted before ). He also says she could be farting from nervousness and that it might stop when she settles in to her new home. I hope this happens quickly. Collect boys from market place. Tom tells me that Toby has bought 2 packets of crisps and a box of fudge brownies.
We walk Hector and Pepper along old railway line on way home. Pass Jack Russell and Pepper watches it with unmistakeable look of predator spotting prey. Keep her on the lead.
Wednesday 27th July 11
Amy delightedly tells me that Tom has asked her which actor plays Dobby in the Harry Potter films. She clearly feels this evens things out a bit, particularly the ‘Is Gold a plant?’ comment which Tom has not forgotten.
Tom and Toby go to play tennis. I get text from Toby to say he is winning and that Tom is making his ‘I want to kill you’ face. So aggressively competitive! Not my genes.
Rob’s orderly comes round to collect various bits of uniform. I show him upstairs to Rob’s dressing room forgetting that have laundry drying on banisters comprising various items of clothing and large quantities of underwear including purple and black bra of Amy’s and Union Jack knickers. Hope he doesn’t notice.
Get call from Army friend asking if I would like to go to Wives Club coffee morning. Nooooooo! They can’t make me.
Thursday 28th July 11
Have small dinner party. Children go and stay with grandparents for night. Pepper starts farting routine and is ejected from sitting room. When some time later I go to kitchen, I discover she has peed on hall carpet and eaten garlic bread in kitchen. Feel at end of tether. Concerned at effect garlic will have on digestive system. Dog on probation and things not looking good.
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