Friday 12th August 11
Drive over the moors again to the auction at Leyburn with all four children. Toby spots two flocks of sheep on hills facing each other. Speculates that they are rival gangs and that we are about to witness sheep gang warfare as the two flocks close in on each other. Have never seen a fighting sheep but don’t have time to stay and watch as are late for auction. Amy’s Mulberry handbag goes under the hammer in first five minutes for huge sum and then everyone loses interest. Toby, Tom and Heloise head for the café. Am horrified moments later to see Toby through window at front of auction room to right of auctioneer. He is moonwalking backwards across window. He then ducks back under window and repeats moonwalk. Amy also sees him and stifles laughter. A couple of minutes later we decide to abandon auction and find the others in the café, each drinking coffee with at least 4 sugars. As sugar rush kicks in they seek out the box of wigs and become quite lairy. Spot member of staff heading our way so I quickly march children to the car and we head over to Aldbrough. Amy always telling me indignantly that ‘teenagers are not children’ but I don’t think she is right.
In afternoon go to Barracks to find Robert and thank Hamish the Adjutant for his support last week during cat incident. Ask him if he knows whet happened afterwards ( planning only to disclose that I was stung by hornet. Not planning to reveal where) Hamish says ‘Oh yes everyone knows, it’s gone round like wildfire’. On way home interrogate Rob about what everyone knows. Apparently everything including bum and hospital. Great. Have forgotten since going native in South Wilts what it is like to live on an Army patch.
Saturday 13th August 11
Barbeque at friends’ house. Dismayed at evident plan to eat in garden as temperature clearly well below zero. Eventually go inside just before hypothermia takes hold. Relief. Reminisce about Newcastle and dreadful nightclub in ship which used to be moored on river called ‘Tuxedo Princess’. I observe that it was full of wide boys. Clearly not a term Amy has heard before who fires off a volley of questions; ‘What’s a wide boy, how wide were they and did they need special doors?’
Sunday 14th August 11
We leave Catterick early and drive to Scotland to visit St Andrews and Edinburgh for Tattoo and Fringe. Arrive St Andrews where we have picnic on sea wall, walk about, eat ice cream, take photos of children next to sign for ‘Butts Wynd’ which they inexplicably find hilarious. Realise after about 2 hours that there is not that much to do in St Andrews and decide to head back to Edinburgh. Staying in Redfern Barracks in large family room with beds all in row like dormitory. Take taxi to city centre and meet Rob’s sister Emma and her boyfriend Charlie for a drink in a swanky hotel (children not allowed in pubs) where a glass of wine is £8!! Comment afterwards that Charlie was looking tired and the children say they just think he looks old(I should point out here that in the childrens eyes 'old' equals anyone over 25.) Perhaps aging process is just a case of people looking more and more tired and that if I slept for a week I would look 21 again. Think am unlikely to have chance to test this theory for some years. After dinner in American diner we watch street performers and Amy falls in love with topless Spanish fire juggler called Jose.
Monday 15th August 11
Am awoken in dorm by very loud seagull and by sound of baby crying. Think latter may have been bad dream. Catch bus into city, all sitting in front row of top deck. Go first to H and M to buy Tom boxer shorts as he has forgotten to bring any and is wearing a pair of Robs which come down to his knees and bunch up when he pulls his jeans up. Amy desperate to shop, shop, shop but the rest of us can’t work up much enthusiasm. Many shops are frankly weird. Tom comments that he thinks Joules is like Jack Wills but for people with a horse. Think he is right. We haven’t got a horse so we exit quickly. In evening all get dressed up in finery and catch taxi to tattoo where we have seats in the VIP box. Very exciting if slightly disconcerting when spot Japanese tourists taking our photo. Tattoo is AMAZING! Gets extremely cold though and I watch most of it from under 3 tartan blankets thoughtfully supplied. Rest of family clearly hard as nails. At after show drinks party we all quaff champagne and Tom eats own body weight of canapés. Mostly mini beef wellingtons and haggis balls.
Friday 19th August 11
Drive home to Broad Chalke in convoy. After 150 miles, Turbo on Alfa Romeo fails AGAIN causing Rob to lose concentration and miss turning off M1 onto M69. Finally arrive home to find grass almost knee high and that neighbour has cut our hedge again despite being asked not to. Is wanting a bit of privacy a bad thing? Why does he want to look into our garden? Am already cross when I speak to garage in North East where we bought the Alfa and crossness grows when they suggest WE look up the local Alfa garage and WE arrange to have car looked at. Give annoying man benefit of years of ‘Customer Service’ wisdom accrued as;
1. Customer Service Manager for Sainsbury’s
2. Management trainer specialising in, among other things ‘Customer Service’
3. Customer
Man is clearly an idiot who has never heard of customer service and deserves to be liquidated.
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