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Wednesday 18 July 2012

WEEK 18 - 15TH-21ST jULY 2011

Friday 15th July 11
Tom finishes school early due to Founders Day at school tomorrow morning. Receive text mid morning which says ’Bus departs Salisbury 14.45 and arrives 15.18 Broadchalke. Welcoming committee would be appreciated’. Which is Tomspeak for ‘ Please meet me from the bus’
Amy’s 15th birthday. Present opening in evening after her return from seeing final Harry Potter, slightly manic and wearing geeky 3D glasses and black zig-zag ‘scar’ on forehead. Pepper further enrages cat by sticking head through cat flap while cat on other side. Think dog is either youthfully enthusiastic or just a bit thick.
 Saturday 16th July 11
Pepper continues to settle in well but is quite naughty;
- Seems to think it is Ok to sit on sofa. It isn’t.
- Keeps putting paws on kitchen work surface
- Did big poo on patio
- Made large puddle on spare room carpet. Have to face possibility that
1. Carpet will be stained yellow
2. Room will forever smell of dog wee.
Am trying to stay calm as more to life than nice carpets.
Kiki clearly a cat on the edge. Is tense and moody and bites me when I give her a reassuring pat. Also swipes Hector’s nose with paw when he does the same.(Reassures her that is. Hector has not learnt to pat the cat)
Monday 18th July 11
Progressing towards animal harmony. Cat sniffs new dogs back leg when dog not looking but then retreats under footstool growling menacingly. When Rob and I walk dogs, cat follows us for 100 metres, hiding in hedge when we look round. Who says cats aren’t team players?
While walking, woman in village sees us coming and exclaims’ Another greyhound!’ Rob says rather tersely ‘She’s a lurcher’ but woman takes no notice and says Pepper has Italian greyhound ears.
After dinner children a bit testy. Conversation as follows;
Amy; ‘You act as though I’m stupid’ (Bends down to pick up cat) ‘I’m a lot more intelligent than you’
Tom; ‘Are you talking to the cat?’
Ouch.
Make shopping list for exciting trip to Ikea with Emily tomorrow which consists mainly of vanilla candles to cover smell of dog farts. Find later that Tom has added the following items;
Moose flesh for voodoo
A duck’s spleen
A Whales placenta
The…
Think he got bored at this point and went off to watch The Simpsons with his father.
Tuesday 19th July 11
Trip to Ikea abandoned. Amy unwell and Emily arrives to tell me one of their oak trees lost a large branch in the night which has taken out electricity and phone lines. Emily furious at long conversation with BT employee who, after Emily had explained everything, offered to do a test to determine where the fault was. Emily told him she knew where the fault was as was standing in garden looking at two ends of broken telephone cable. Incroyable!
Wednesday 20th July 11
Pepper behaviour less than exemplary;
-          Starts barking at 6am
-          In morning digs big hole in vegetable patch scattering soil over patio
-          Constant farting. Am getting through a lot of scented candles
-          In afternoon as I am mowing, digs hole in back lawn
-          Keeps biting Hector’s ears
-          At dinner, steals a potato from Tom’s plate
Feeling stressed at everything need to do before driving to Yorkshire on Friday morning and wondering whether will actually manage to get 2 teenagers, 2 dogs, a cat, ridiculous amounts of luggage and me in the BMW. Also concerned about dynamics between new dog and cat and how we will cope with all the farting in a confined space. Mother calls and asks whether I would consider stopping in Marlborough on my way North to buy her some fabric for cushions!! No! Am forced to open bottle of wine to calm jangling nerves.
Thursday 21st July 11
Tom explains to me that if you strap a piece of buttered toast to a cat’s back ( butter side up) and throw cat/toast into the air a vortex will be created and the cat/toast will be unable to land because cats always land on their feet and buttered toast always lands butter side down.
Am faced with problem of how to contain cat until tomorrow morning when we depart for Yorkshire. Think will have to lock cat flap and get cat to use litter tray. Am worried about this plan for a number of reasons namely whether the cat will remember how to use a litter tray, whether new dog will try to eat contents of litter tray and that by the time we have to catch cat at 6.30am tomorrow and stuff her in her cat box for journey to Yorkshire, she will be very cross.  She will be even crosser when she realises she is under house arrest for the duration of our stay in Yorkshire.

WEEK 17 - 8 - 14th July 2011

Saturday 9th July 11
Rob and I attend adoption talk at Dogs Trust. They are coming to do a home visit next week. Have been given a set of instructions on how to manage the relationship between Pepper and the cat, which include
1. Keeping Pepper and the cat apart for at least 5 days (easy perhaps when you live in Blenheim Palace. Less easy when you live in a Victorian cottage.)
2. Wipe each creature with a cloth and give the cloth to the other one. Yuk!
3. And most alarmingly, introduce them only when Pepper has been exercised and HAS EATEN A BIG MEAL.
Hmmm.
 Sunday 10th July 11
Obliged to take Amy and Tom to meet Pepper. We take her and Hector for a walk. Worried will be deemed unsuitable adoptive family as we remove her muzzle once out of site of Dogs Trust building and are spotted by Dogs Trust employee. This is against the rules. Then Pepper does poo in middle of dog walking path and we have no plastic bag. Oops.
Thursday 14th July 11
Collected Pepper today. Managed to keep her and the cat apart for a few hours by locking cat in Amy’s room but then carried Kiki into kitchen for introduction. Dog clearly frightened of cat. Cat very unpleasant. Arching back, hissing, spitting and at one point emitted terrifying high pitched growl. Poor Pepper.

Thursday 12 July 2012

WEEK 16 - 1st-7th July 2011

Friday 1st July 11
Pick a strawberry from the garden and cut it in half for Amy and Tom to share. Strawberry tally so far this year;
Howiesons 1
Pigeons 95.
Julia calls and I remember to ask how the party in London went. Apparently Charlie’s suit made quite an impression. Julia says champagne was served all night from 7pm until 1am and nibbles mostly meat based which as vegetarian meant she got completely bat faced (seems to be family trait) and that midnight she had lost the power of speech. Charlie and Tom Leigh (host) tried to assess her level of drunkenness by asking the dates of various battles including Agincourt and Waterloo. Charlie disappointed that she got them all right and concluded she was very drunk but on automatic pilot.
Amy startled in evening to see topless man in neighbours garden and concerned that he might in fact be completely naked but bottom half obscured by fence. Take a peek at topless man who is in fact neighbour gardening on a hot day so in fact neither deranged nor pervert. I say I think naked gardening unlikely in Broad Chalke at best of times but particularly in summer when lots of nettles and brambles and stinging insects.
Rob and parents arrives from Yorkshire. Mum brings the contents of their fridge and Dad brings large rhubarb plant. Very pleased to see them and we all eat curry in kitchen. Mum tells me my hair is looking flat. Think she is turning into Nain (Welsh Grandmother sadly deceased) who routinely told me and Julia that we had put weight on / needed hair cut.
Rob has forgotten to bring home all luggage used to take his stuff up to Catterick which means that when Amy, Tom and I head up there in three weeks time we will have to pack belongings in black bin liners like family of hobos. Hope neighbours won’t see. May have to travel at night.
Saturday 2nd July 11
Spend day gardening and packing. Rob and I supposed to be going on holiday TOMORROW and still nothing booked. Decide Morocco is too hot (96 degrees). Find good spot in garden for rhubarb. I make lemon drizzle cake which we all wolf except mother who declines a slice. Amy says ‘What, are you a freak?’ To which Mum replies that she is but doesn’t want to be a fat freak. Mum on diet. Says she has spoken to physiotherapist Anna about losing weight. I say that talking to physiotherapist unlikely to prove effective and instead recommend eating less. Feel guilty for being mean.
Make Tom packed breakfast and lunch for Rhinelend trip. Breakfast; Bottle orange juice, grapes, 4 cereal bars. Lunch; Pork pie, 2 rounds of peanut butter sandwiches, packet kettle chips, Muller light yogurt, 2 Mr Kipling cakes, 4 crunchy bars, 2 fingers of fudge, bottle of water and 6 fruit juice cartons. Hope he is planning on sharing otherwise likelihood of
  1. Sugar rush
  2. Vomiting.
  3. Cardiac arrest
Sunday 3rd July 11
Get up at 4.40am and Dad and I drive Tom to Salisbury to go on school trip to Rhineland. Tom very excited. Get home at 6am and go back to bed.
At 11am Rob and I leave to go on holiday! Hoorah.
Before reach Shaftesbury get call from Amy to ask what should she do if her Ipod freezes.
Stop for picnic in Somerset. Sit in sunshine and read Sunday papers. Rob’s Mother calls. Asks if we are on our way and we say yes. Asks if we are flying to Marrakesh and we say no we are driving to Torquay. She sounds very confused and then we lose signal. Rob and I laugh slightly manically.
Continue on journey and receive another call from Amy to say that her Ipod is OK now.  Tempted to turn phones off.
Arrive in Torquay. 24 degrees. Hotel FABULOUS. Enormous room and bed with balcony and stunning sea view. Go to explore town which is full of foreign tourists, genteel elderly couples and fat men with tattoos walking bull terriers. An eclectic mix.  Spend rest of day swimming in hotel pool, sunbathing, drinking wine and eating fish and chips. Enormous seagulls.
Monday 4th July 11
Go to dining room for breakfast and feel as though have woken up in nursing home for the elderly. Eat three course breakfast and then play 2 sets of tennis. Rob wins 6-0, 6-1. Feel this doesn’t quite reflect performance and that I am clearly the better player. Head off to Salcombe. Get call from Amy asking where the shed key is as she has to take White Spirit to school. Why? Hopefully not as beverage. 
Salcombe full of public school children, their harassed parents and smart looking dogs. No tattoos or bull terriers. Eat large pasties and try and find somewhere to stay. End up in the Sloop Inn in nearby village. Perfect. Walk over big hill to pub in next door village and receive voice mail from Amy reminding us we have a child at home who we have abandoned to go on holiday. Eat large quantity of pub food. Think may have to return home soon while we still fit in the car.
Tuesday 5th July 11
Weather cold and potentially wet so go to Plymouth to cinema. See Pirates of the Caribbean and eat lots of chocolate. Plymouth full of Spanish and French school children and Punks.
Thursday 7th July 11
Back to Wiltshire. Rob and I go to Dogs Trust at Newton Tony to see William the Saluki who is lovely. We also meet 2 lurchers called Professor Winkle Bottom and Pepper. Rob initially prefers Professor but he ( Professor not Rob) keeps scanning the horizon during our walk as though looking for something to chase. We decide to adopt Pepper who seems more interested in us. She will be Tom’s dog.
In evening Tom returns from Rhineland. Spent all money and seems to have had good time. Produces gifts of Lindt chocolate for all. Has learnt one new German word; ‘Geil’ which apparently means ‘sexy’.   Tom very pleased about Pepper. Think main challenges of owning lurcher will be ;
1. To prevent her running after small furries when taken for walks
2. To stop her eating the cat