Friday 1st July 11
Pick a strawberry from the garden and cut it in half for Amy and Tom to share. Strawberry tally so far this year;
Howiesons 1
Pigeons 95.
Julia calls and I remember to ask how the party in London went. Apparently Charlie’s suit made quite an impression. Julia says champagne was served all night from 7pm until 1am and nibbles mostly meat based which as vegetarian meant she got completely bat faced (seems to be family trait) and that midnight she had lost the power of speech. Charlie and Tom Leigh (host) tried to assess her level of drunkenness by asking the dates of various battles including Agincourt and Waterloo. Charlie disappointed that she got them all right and concluded she was very drunk but on automatic pilot.
Amy startled in evening to see topless man in neighbours garden and concerned that he might in fact be completely naked but bottom half obscured by fence. Take a peek at topless man who is in fact neighbour gardening on a hot day so in fact neither deranged nor pervert. I say I think naked gardening unlikely in Broad Chalke at best of times but particularly in summer when lots of nettles and brambles and stinging insects.
Rob and parents arrives from Yorkshire. Mum brings the contents of their fridge and Dad brings large rhubarb plant. Very pleased to see them and we all eat curry in kitchen. Mum tells me my hair is looking flat. Think she is turning into Nain (Welsh Grandmother sadly deceased) who routinely told me and Julia that we had put weight on / needed hair cut.
Rob has forgotten to bring home all luggage used to take his stuff up to Catterick which means that when Amy, Tom and I head up there in three weeks time we will have to pack belongings in black bin liners like family of hobos. Hope neighbours won’t see. May have to travel at night.
Saturday 2nd July 11
Spend day gardening and packing. Rob and I supposed to be going on holiday TOMORROW and still nothing booked. Decide Morocco is too hot (96 degrees). Find good spot in garden for rhubarb. I make lemon drizzle cake which we all wolf except mother who declines a slice. Amy says ‘What, are you a freak?’ To which Mum replies that she is but doesn’t want to be a fat freak. Mum on diet. Says she has spoken to physiotherapist Anna about losing weight. I say that talking to physiotherapist unlikely to prove effective and instead recommend eating less. Feel guilty for being mean.
Make Tom packed breakfast and lunch for Rhinelend trip. Breakfast; Bottle orange juice, grapes, 4 cereal bars. Lunch; Pork pie, 2 rounds of peanut butter sandwiches, packet kettle chips, Muller light yogurt, 2 Mr Kipling cakes, 4 crunchy bars, 2 fingers of fudge, bottle of water and 6 fruit juice cartons. Hope he is planning on sharing otherwise likelihood of
- Sugar rush
- Vomiting.
- Cardiac arrest
Sunday 3rd July 11
Get up at 4.40am and Dad and I drive Tom to Salisbury to go on school trip to Rhineland. Tom very excited. Get home at 6am and go back to bed.
At 11am Rob and I leave to go on holiday! Hoorah.
Before reach Shaftesbury get call from Amy to ask what should she do if her Ipod freezes.
Stop for picnic in Somerset. Sit in sunshine and read Sunday papers. Rob’s Mother calls. Asks if we are on our way and we say yes. Asks if we are flying to Marrakesh and we say no we are driving to Torquay. She sounds very confused and then we lose signal. Rob and I laugh slightly manically.
Continue on journey and receive another call from Amy to say that her Ipod is OK now. Tempted to turn phones off.
Arrive in Torquay. 24 degrees. Hotel FABULOUS. Enormous room and bed with balcony and stunning sea view. Go to explore town which is full of foreign tourists, genteel elderly couples and fat men with tattoos walking bull terriers. An eclectic mix. Spend rest of day swimming in hotel pool, sunbathing, drinking wine and eating fish and chips. Enormous seagulls.
Monday 4th July 11
Go to dining room for breakfast and feel as though have woken up in nursing home for the elderly. Eat three course breakfast and then play 2 sets of tennis. Rob wins 6-0, 6-1. Feel this doesn’t quite reflect performance and that I am clearly the better player. Head off to Salcombe. Get call from Amy asking where the shed key is as she has to take White Spirit to school. Why? Hopefully not as beverage.
Salcombe full of public school children, their harassed parents and smart looking dogs. No tattoos or bull terriers. Eat large pasties and try and find somewhere to stay. End up in the Sloop Inn in nearby village. Perfect. Walk over big hill to pub in next door village and receive voice mail from Amy reminding us we have a child at home who we have abandoned to go on holiday. Eat large quantity of pub food. Think may have to return home soon while we still fit in the car.
Tuesday 5th July 11
Weather cold and potentially wet so go to Plymouth to cinema. See Pirates of the Caribbean and eat lots of chocolate. Plymouth full of Spanish and French school children and Punks.
Thursday 7th July 11
Back to Wiltshire. Rob and I go to Dogs Trust at Newton Tony to see William the Saluki who is lovely. We also meet 2 lurchers called Professor Winkle Bottom and Pepper. Rob initially prefers Professor but he ( Professor not Rob) keeps scanning the horizon during our walk as though looking for something to chase. We decide to adopt Pepper who seems more interested in us. She will be Tom’s dog.
In evening Tom returns from Rhineland. Spent all money and seems to have had good time. Produces gifts of Lindt chocolate for all. Has learnt one new German word; ‘Geil’ which apparently means ‘sexy’. Tom very pleased about Pepper. Think main challenges of owning lurcher will be ;
1. To prevent her running after small furries when taken for walks
2. To stop her eating the cat
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