Friday 24th June 11
Take children to school and go to Tesco. Am rounding end of aisle near checkouts when front wheel hits temporary cardboard display unit knocking off jar of Ragu which another shopper has dumped there. Glass and tomato everywhere and other shoppers look at me as though I have been very naughty. Say loudly ‘ It wasn’t my jar!’ and go to find customer service assistant who is very understanding. Head to chicken aisle and as am loading two trays of chicken breasts and thighs into trolley another one falls of the shelf and lands on the floor with a loud crack. Try to pick up pack but plastic cover has split and there is chicken everywhere. Another understanding member of staff comes to my aid and I apologise and depart at speed with hands all slimy and smelling of raw chicken. Decide to leave store before trail of destruction gets any longer or Tesco think I am some kind of saboteur.
Arrive home to many messages on answer phone. One from Mum and Dad left at 8.30am to say they are sitting on drive of Rob’s new Army quarter in Catterick( in car, not literally) waiting to meet the welfare officer. The call is to let me know that there is mobile coverage at house. Another message is from man who wants to come this evening to see Alfa Romeo for sale. Very exciting!
Julia calls for chat. She and Charlie are going to London for smart party to which Charlie still intends to wear red stripy suit. To complete the look he has grown a droopy moustache.
Mum and Dad call again to say they are now in the quarter which is great. By end of day they have unpacked everything, plumbed in washing machine, are on first name terms with welfare officer and neighbours and pronounce the guardsmen who lent a hand to be ‘lovely’. Interesting that relentlessly sociable parents have produced
- Daughter completely rubbish at making small talk (Me)
- Daughter who says she doesn’t think she really likes other people ( Julia)
Perhaps is reaction. Like Rob as child of rather hippie mother joining Army. Wonder what Amy and Tom will do in order to be different to me and Rob?
At 7pm man arrives to look at Alfa Romeo. I am in bath getting ready to go out so Rob takes them for a spin. They decide to buy car. Marvellous. Big relief. Call ‘Bank of Dad’ to say bridging loan unnecessary.
At 8pm go out for dinner to friends house in village feeling rather boisterous due to successful car sale and proceed to get completely smashed. Not deliberate but due I think to not noticing glass being refilled while deep in conversation. Feel OK until get up from table at end of evening. Rob and I walk home. Is pitch black which makes walking in straight line even more of a challenge.
Saturday 25th June 11
Wake up feeling DREADFUL. Rob tells children (unkindly I think) that I fell into a hedge on the way home. Untrue. Concern though that talked complete jibber-jabber to neighbours at table which is embarrassing as hadn’t met either of them before and they will think I am either
1.Idiot
2. Pisshead
Not sure which is worse.
Tom has made chocolate cake to sell at market in Bowerchalke village hall. Drive him there and talk to lady in charge who says sadly we cant sell cake as;
1. Tom under 18
2. We haven’t read and signed food hygiene rules.
I tell her I made the cake and that I have a certificate in food hygiene from days when worked for Sainsbury’s. She remains resolute and we make to leave when another woman approaches us and whispers that she would like the cake so we sell it to her outside the village hall for £4. Tom very pleased. Hope cake is Ok.
Many comings and goings for rest of day. Friends come for lunch. Another friend comes for tea. Children depart at various times to catch buses to Salisbury. Tom staying with Hector in Dinton. Amy, Izzy and Emily staying here. High pitched shrieking dies down at about 11.30pm after repeated requests and R and I finally get to sleep.
Sunday 26th June 11
Girls reveal in morning that they have shaved part of Emily’s hair about her left ear!!! Looks very punky and aggressive. Depart to take Izzy home and collect Tom who plays ‘plastic dog turd’ prank by claiming dog has pooed in boot of car. Momentarily believe him as Hector getting a bit old and doddery. Return home. Rob says Emily’s mum NOT PLEASED with Emily’s new look. Feel slightly responsible as has happened under our roof.
After lunch take Rob to station to catch train to Yorkshire as starts new job in Catterick tomorrow. Cry all way home.
In afternoon dog is sick on Persian rug ( of course). Think has been eating eggshells and scraps of raw pastry from compost heap. Bizarre behaviour as am sure if proffered these items in house would look at us as if we were mad and refuse to touch them. Presumably something illicit about finding edible things at end of garden. Think in future will have to bury food scraps under grass cuttings.
Later notice cat sitting in flower bed chewing one of plants. Why? Tell cat off but know is pointless. Catty pea brain too small to compute.
Monday 27th June 11
After school Tom made home made Bounty bar with coconut won at village duck race yesterday. Flakes of coconut and melted chocolate everywhere. Finished product delicious so worth mess I think.
Tuesday 28th June 11
Amy and Sassy have ANOTHER D of E meeting from 7 – 9pm at the school. Don’t know what they can possibly be discussing as whole thing now finished.
Tom and I have 2 hours to kill so decide to do a bit of shopping. Start off at Pets at Home on Southampton Road. Admire the Fancy Rats and Dagu’s which are particularly feisty. Two fat chinchillas sitting motionless on a branch in their cage. Tom and I decide that pet Chinchillas are completely pointless as they never do anything exciting, in fact never do anything at all. Conclude that may as well have a stuffed one as would in fact be hard pressed to tell the difference. Next we go to Lidl on the hunt for food we used to eat when living in Germany. Fail in our mission but do buy large quantities of peanut butter, Quince jam and ‘Mister choc’ chocolate spread. Also find tripe flavoured ‘Dog Chub’ dog food but decide Hector wouldn’t like it as is more of a ‘prime cuts’ kind of dog. Next we head to Waitrose and I am persuaded to buy Tom 4 cans of shandy bass on the basis that they are displayed on the soft drinks aisle. Surprised at this as it does contain small quantity of alcohol (admittedly less that 0.5%). Am I irresponsible mother? Get call at 8.10pm from Amy to say meeting has finished early. Quite sorry as was enjoying shopping trip. All eat large quantity of chocolate on way home.
Thursday 30th June 11
Teachers on strike! Tom’s school closed but Amy’s still open which puts her in VERY BAD MOOD. She protests that going in to school will be complete waste of time as all teachers off, but I insist she goes in as has saxophone lesson already paid for ( £14 for 30 minutes!!!)
Get automated text from Amy at lunchtime which says ‘Help get me out of this miserable hell hole, hugs and kisses Amy’. Play it to friend Emily who is over for lunch and we laugh a lot.
In evening Amy and I go to Zumba. Feeling quite pleased with self despite not having attended for several weeks then Kizzy introduces new routines and all goes tits up (not literally). Am glad was near back of hall.
Dogs Trust ‘Dog of the week’ in Salisbury journal features William the Saluki. Cut out article.
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