Saturday 7th May
Drove to London to see Army v Navy match at Twickenham. As approached stadium became aware that were surrounded by coach loads of beer drinking supporters. As drew alongside one coach Amy and Tom greatly amused to be mooned by male passenger. Amy took photo of ‘the bum’ on her new camera. Finally parked car and made way to stadium, stopping to buy something to eat on way. Children and Robert delighted that I was harassed by group of soldiers who wanted to share my chips. Beery but amiable atmosphere in stands. Very exciting match (Army won 44-10) made more so by well-built streaker invading the pitch in the second half. Observed he was wearing his socks. Stewards chased and caught him to loud booing from crowd. Fortunate perhaps that by this stage Amy’s camera had run out of battery.
Stayed at friends flat near Olympia and in evening walked to High Street Kensington past restaurants, Iranian supermarket and kinky underwear shop with bizarre zip up bra and knickers in the window. All had a good look and agreed must be really uncomfortable and I said a bit of a hazard too if you got pubic hair or private parts stuck in zip. Tom in full agreement but Amy ‘grossed out' by my comments and demanded end to conversation.
Amy disappointed by the lack of graffiti for her to photograph for GCSE art project. I said what did she expect in Kensington and that Chelsea and that Westminster on Sunday unlikely to prove more fruitful. Not keen on making detour via graffiti rich area on way home to Chalke Valley. Am I being unsupportive mother? Might be some graffiti in Salisbury.
Sunday 8th May
To Wellington Barracks for Scots Guards remembrance Service and march to Horse Guards.
Tom not pleased at having to wear smart trousers and shirt. Complained that looked like mental patient, which he did a bit. Amy looking very pretty but skirt extremely small like handkerchief. Rob smart in suit although discovered belatedly that medals needed cleaning . Tried Body shop make up remover but didn’t work. Spent first 5 minutes at Wellington Barracks hunting in vain for Brasso. Saw many Scots Guards officers, past and present who hadn’t seen for long time. Children squirming slightly at being told how much they had grown. All enjoyed running alongside marchers to Horse Guards. Spotted Rob grinning in midst looking quite foxy in the sunshine (in the ginger sense but also very attractive of course) He wasn’t best pleased by first observation and insists is blond ( Complete rubbish. Hasn’t been blond since age 3 judging by photos).
Back at Wellington Barracks children bemused to see Japanese tourist watching Jack Russell terrier being walked on lead inside railings by retired officer and then actually taking photo of it peeing against tree. Had to shush children who were becoming lairy.
After all Army stuff went to Kings Road and had lunch at MacDonalds. Big Yum. Rob dropped into conversation that mint and tea tree shower gel stings him. I said why on earth did he buy it then as had also brought children out in rash and why buy shower products that are painful? He said he had bought 2 bottles and didn’t want them to go to waste. Children said they got rash from using lemon soap not tea tree shower gel. Silly me.
Sunday evening at home Tom asked me who I had been talking to about Elvis at Wellington Barracks. Baffled as had no recollection of discussing Elvis with anyone. He insisted a chubby army officer had told me his son Elvis was going to Sandhurst. Racked brains and finally remembered that chubby officer had been talking about his ELDEST , not his ELVIS. Said that despite changing times I thought it unlikely that guards officer would have son called Elvis. Amy and Rob snorting with laughter. Tom embarrassed by mistake and got quite bolshy.
Finally got soap dish to stick to wall of ensuite shower.
Woken in night by sound of soap dish falling off wall of shower. Will return it to shop.
Thursday 12th May
Got call on mobile at lunchtime. Tom suspected broken finger. On way to school, calculated have been in A and E more than once a year for last 13 of Tom’s life;
1. Cycling into stone column outside Buckingham palace while looking at Concord
2. Tripping on bathmat and gashing head on doorframe
3. Falling in classroom and putting teeth through cheek. How?
4. Intolerance to dairy products until aged 5
5. Croup
6. Getting sawdust in eye when cleaning out rat
7. Suspected broken arm/ wrist x3
8. Cauterisation of left nostril
9. Cauterisation of right nostril
10. Damaged Achilles tendon caused by pushing off rugby boot with one foot and slamming heel of other foot on concrete floor
11. Finger injured during game of tag when came into contact with friend Joe’s shoe. How? We never played tag with our feet.
Got home at 4.30 after 3 hours in A and E. Finger broken. In evening Tom called Rob and then Mum and Dad to elicit sympathy. Tom said Mum had told him he’d ‘been in the wars’. Asked if she had called him a ‘Poor little sausage’. She had, but surprisingly did not say ‘If you’d do that to yourself what would you do to me?’
Bizarre coincidence in A and E which would not be credible even in corny TV drama; In x-ray bumped into Katie-Jayne and younger daughter Tasmin, the latter with suspected broken arm. Returned to waiting room to find Tom’s best friend Hector and mother Emily. Hector also with suspected broken arm. Began to hope Tom’s finger was broken otherwise might appear wimpy by comparison.
In evening had glass of wine with Katie-Jayne, necessary for mothers who have spent all afternoon in A and E. Both Tasmin and Hector’s arms broken.
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