Friday 29th April
Royal wedding day! All very excited except Dad and Rob who departed early to buy newspaper and walk dog. Started watching TV at 8.30am . People already arriving at Westminster Abbey 2.5 hours before start of service. Expect there will be many numb bums and people desperate for a pee. Are there public loos in Westminster Abbey? Toby spotted newsagent and wife from Kate Middleton's home village but Rob (having returned)pointed out that it was actually the Sultan of Brunei .
Caught Mum adding marmite to dogs bowl to try and tempt his appetite. Said that I thought probable cause of dog’s food faddiness was expectation of marmite/ gravy and that marmite was too salty and expensive for dog. Mother chastened.
Saturday 30th April
Got up early as Katie-Jayne away and therefore am on duck, chicken, quail and guinea pig duty. Collecting eggs from duck house when put hand in duck poo. Said ‘Yuk’ loudly, stood up too quickly and fell over backwards. Fortunately managed not to drop eggs. Observe that quail are small but very greedy. Cockerel being territorial and pecked my leg.
Julia and Mum took Heloise for cycle practice to school car park. Julia went on my bike to show solidarity and managed to fall off while stationary (How?)then Heloise came off bike in nettle patch on way home. Mental image of Julia toppling off bike sideways very amusing until realised she had bloodied both knees. Heloise also covered in nettle stings. Disastrous! Glad mother went on foot.
Dad said he and Mum would like to pay for marmite supplement to dog’s diet for remainder of dog’s life. Explained again a bit testily that this was not going to happen. Good grief!
Sunday 1st May
Call from Dad on cross channel ferry to France to say he had found our shed key in pocket. Think Dad has shed fixation. Lucky we have a spare.
As was remaking spare bed after departure of thousands of guests, Tom announced wish to become vegetarian. Surprising. Pointed out that for a meat and potato fan who doesn’t much like vegetables this was a slightly flawed plan. Hope this will quash idea for time being.
Have decided dog to be given NO HUMAN FOOD. Think he is getting too many scraps which seems to prefer to own (admittedly dull) food.
Monday 2nd May
Dog appetite restored! It’s a miracle. And all without Marmite. Must inform parents.
Rob, Amy, Tom and I took Hector for walk through village, past watercress beds and allotments. Passed psychotic rescue dog which looks like wolf with owner. Psycho dog started making loud and alarming yowling sound unlike any sound I have ever heard. Glad was on other side of fence. Owner seemed embarrassed and said behaviour was due to lack of confidence. Extraordinary! Children started laughing hysterically.
Tuesday 3rd May
Item on radio on way to school/work about discovery of prehistoric breed of ants as big as small birds. Amy said her bum was itchy, probably due to thinking of ants. I said maybe she had bum infection or bottom-lice. Amy outraged and refused to continue conversation. I said she had started it and I never wanted to hear about her itchy bottom in the first place.
Followed car containing bald man. Amy said if she was going bald she would paint bald patch same colour as hair, in this case brown. I said I didn’t think this would prove much of a disguise, particularly if paint started flaking off. Amy suggested cutting out a circle of felt and sticking it to head. I said this was also rubbish idea as might be mistaken for a hat. Arrived at school before could come up with any other ideas.
After work purchased soap dish with sucker pads to fix on side of en suite shower. Spent 20 minutes trying to assemble and attach it to tiles . Kept falling off. Stood on bar of squishy soap in bare feet. Abandoned plan. Suggested to Rob he might have more success but he said ‘These things are always rubbish’ in real ‘know it all’ tone.
No comments:
Post a Comment