Friday 27th May
Last day of work. Feels like am about to be released into community after lengthy jail term.
Am leaving to start course in interior design. Hoorah!
Met Tom after school / work and killed time while Amy has hair cut. Went to M and S as T needed loo. He was AGES. Had to sit down on chair to wait.Tempted to call him on mobile. Finally reappeared and went to collect Amy. Amy hair short and in asymmetric bob.
At dinner Rob told Amy she looked like Phil Oakey of Human League. Blank looks so googled picture. Amy still baffled as Phil Oakey now completely bald.
Sunday 29th May
All went to Katie-Jaynes in evening for dinner. Delicious steak. In lull after main course observed that all place mats feature Australian creatures. (K-J lived out there for some years so house full of Australiana like didgeridoos and giant wooden lizards). Told assembled company that my mat featured a kangaroo. Amy replied that hers had a long-necked turtle and an enchilada. I think echidna was the word she was looking for. Much hilarity. After dinner Tom and Rob tasked with putting chickens and ducks to bed. Away so long I went to look for them and found them both cuddling chickens at the end of the garden. Managed to persuade them to return indoors but halfway down garden Rob became distracted by guinea pig. Gave up and went back to house for another glass of wine.
Monday 30th May
Called Julia in morning. Discussed Rob’s strange affinity with Guinea pigs. (Love that Guinea pig in French is cochon d’Inde which translates as Indian pig.) Told Julia about friendly chickens next door. She said they had just taken delivery of 15 ex-battery hens which refuse to go to bed. Much chicken chasing previous night and one escaped over rear garden fence. Julia and children had to jump in car and race round streets to rear of garden wielding sticks where managed to corner chicken. Drove back to house with chicken on Heloise’s knee. Neighbours must think they are completely barmy.
Australian placemat talk continued at lunchtime when Tom said his mat had shown a lesser spotted taco and Rob said his was of a flat coated chimichanga and a flock of tortillas. Amy took this quite well but joke starting to wear thin. Think may start to lash out if smart arse comments continue.
Tuesday 31st May
Went shopping in Swindon. Found Elvis wig for dogs in Hawkins Bazaar. Also managed to find lots of graffiti. Had enchiladas for dinner in Amy’s honour.
Wednesday 1st June
Up to Worcester to see Julia, Charlie and children. Took gifts of wine and Simnel cake for Toby who loved ours at Easter ( the cake, not the wine). All taken aback by how much Zulu (9 year old Labrador)has grown since last visit. Think he may have eaten all the pies. Julia very defensive of dog weight gain and insisted larger appearance due to ‘baggy skin’ which apparently is well known in ageing dogs. J said that Murphy ( our deceased chocolate lab) was another example of this phenomenon. Not best comparison to make as Murphy known to all as greediest dog in UK and possibly world. Went with Julia to collect George (Border Terrier) from poodle parlour where was being stripped. Drove home with George on back seat smelling very strongly of soap and shedding fluff whenever he moved.
Charlie modelled red shiny suit made by tailor in Tunisia. Worse than could possibly have imagined especially with white slip on shoes. First outing for suit will be to smart 40th birthday party in London next month. If I was Julia I would arrive and leave separately.
Julia clearly still feeling defensive of pets. Later in day produced book about Border Terriers as proof that George is normal for breed. Pointed out that pictures gave no scale of dogs featured and that while George may look like Border Terrier he is twice the size of any others I have seen, hence nickname -GMD (Genetically Modified Dog).
Toby also much bigger than when last saw him and eating like horse. Something in water?
Later went in to town where Charlie bought black satin shirt to wear with red shiny suit.
Thursday 2nd June
Woken at 6am as usual by Zulu and George howling. Mad house.
Later in morning went for walk in Malverns where Julia asked by friendly fellow dog walker what breed of dog George was. Didn’t dare make eye contact with Amy or Tom. Lovely walk only marred slightly by Julia screaming at Zulu who ran round frightening small children. George kept on lead as untrustworthy and uninsured.
Returned to Worcester and presented with large jar of ‘Charlie’s Bee Juice’ by Charlie. First honey from his own hives. Impressed!
Left mad family in afternoon to return to Shrivenham where staying in friends empty house.
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