WEEK 15 - 24-30th June 2011

Friday 24^th June 11

Take children to school and go to Tesco. Am rounding end of aisle near checkouts when front wheel hits temporary cardboard display unit knocking off jar of Ragu which another shopper has dumped there. Glass and tomato everywhere and other shoppers look at me as though I have been very naughty. Say loudly ‘ It wasn’t my jar!’ and go to find customer service assistant who is very understanding. Head to chicken aisle and as am loading two trays of chicken breasts and thighs into trolley another one falls of the shelf and lands on the floor with a loud crack. Try to pick up pack but plastic cover has split and there is chicken everywhere. Another understanding member of staff comes to my aid and I apologise and depart at speed with hands all slimy and smelling of raw chicken. Decide to leave store before trail of destruction gets any longer or Tesco think I am some kind of saboteur.

Arrive home to many messages on answer phone. One from Mum and Dad left at 8.30am to say they are sitting on drive of Rob’s new Army quarter in Catterick( in car, not literally) waiting to meet the welfare officer. The call is to let me know that there is mobile coverage at house. Another message is from man who wants to come this evening to see Alfa Romeo for sale. Very exciting!

Julia calls for chat. She and Charlie are going to London for smart party to which Charlie still intends to wear red stripy suit. To complete the look he has grown a droopy moustache.

Mum and Dad call again to say they are now in the quarter which is great. By end of day they have unpacked everything, plumbed in washing machine, are on first name terms with welfare officer and neighbours and pronounce the guardsmen who lent a hand to be ‘lovely’. Interesting that relentlessly sociable parents have produced

1. Daughter completely rubbish at making small talk (Me)
2. Daughter who says she doesn’t think she really likes other people ( Julia)

Perhaps is reaction. Like Rob as child of rather hippie mother joining Army. Wonder what Amy and Tom will do in order to be different to me and Rob?

At 7pm man arrives to look at Alfa Romeo. I am in bath getting ready to go out so Rob takes them for a spin. They decide to buy car. Marvellous. Big relief. Call ‘Bank of Dad’ to say bridging loan unnecessary.

At 8pm go out for dinner to friends house in village feeling rather boisterous due to successful car sale and proceed to get completely smashed. Not deliberate but due I think to not noticing glass being refilled while deep in conversation. Feel OK until get up from table at end of evening. Rob and I walk home. Is pitch black which makes walking in straight line even more of a challenge.

Saturday 25^th June 11

Wake up feeling DREADFUL. Rob tells children (unkindly I think) that I fell into a hedge on the way home. Untrue. Concern though that talked complete jibber-jabber to neighbours at table which is embarrassing as hadn’t met either of them before and they will think I am either

1.Idiot

2. Pisshead

Not sure which is worse.

Tom has made chocolate cake to sell at market in Bowerchalke village hall. Drive him there and talk to lady in charge who says sadly we cant sell cake as;

1. Tom under 18

2. We haven’t read and signed food hygiene rules.

I tell her I made the cake and that I have a certificate in food hygiene from days when worked for Sainsbury’s. She remains resolute and we make to leave when another woman approaches us and whispers that she would like the cake so we sell it to her outside the village hall for £4. Tom very pleased. Hope cake is Ok.

Many comings and goings for rest of day. Friends come for lunch. Another friend comes for tea. Children depart at various times to catch buses to Salisbury. Tom staying with Hector in Dinton. Amy, Izzy and Emily staying here. High pitched shrieking dies down at about 11.30pm after repeated requests and R and I finally get to sleep.

Sunday 26^th June 11

Girls reveal in morning that they have shaved part of Emily’s hair about her left ear!!! Looks very punky and aggressive. Depart to take Izzy home and collect Tom who plays ‘plastic dog turd’ prank by claiming dog has pooed in boot of car. Momentarily believe him as Hector getting a bit old and doddery. Return home. Rob says Emily’s mum NOT PLEASED with Emily’s new look. Feel slightly responsible as has happened under our roof.

After lunch take Rob to station to catch train to Yorkshire as starts new job in Catterick tomorrow. Cry all way home. 

In afternoon dog is sick on Persian rug ( of course). Think has been eating eggshells and scraps of raw pastry from compost heap. Bizarre behaviour as am sure if proffered these items in house would look at us as if we were mad and refuse to touch them. Presumably something illicit about finding edible things at end of garden. Think in future will have to bury food scraps under grass cuttings.

Later notice cat sitting in flower bed chewing one of plants. Why? Tell cat off but know is pointless. Catty pea brain too small to compute.

Monday 27^th June 11

After school Tom made home made Bounty bar with coconut won at village duck race yesterday. Flakes of coconut and melted chocolate everywhere. Finished product delicious so worth mess I think. 

Tuesday 28^th June 11

Amy and Sassy have ANOTHER D of E meeting from 7 – 9pm at the school. Don’t know what they can possibly be discussing as whole thing now finished.

Tom and I have 2 hours to kill so decide to do a bit of shopping. Start off at Pets at Home on Southampton Road. Admire the Fancy Rats and Dagu’s which are particularly feisty. Two fat chinchillas sitting motionless on a branch in their cage. Tom and I decide that pet Chinchillas are completely pointless as they never do anything exciting, in fact never do anything at all. Conclude that may as well have a stuffed one as would in fact be hard pressed to tell the difference. Next we go to Lidl on the hunt for food we used to eat when living in Germany. Fail in our mission but do buy large quantities of peanut butter, Quince jam and ‘Mister choc’ chocolate spread. Also find tripe flavoured ‘Dog Chub’ dog food but decide Hector wouldn’t like it as is more of a ‘prime cuts’ kind of dog. Next we head to Waitrose and I am persuaded to buy Tom 4 cans of shandy bass on the basis that they are displayed on the soft drinks aisle. Surprised at this as it does contain small quantity of alcohol (admittedly less that 0.5%). Am I irresponsible mother? Get call at 8.10pm from Amy to say meeting has finished early. Quite sorry as was enjoying shopping trip. All eat large quantity of chocolate on way home.

Thursday 30^th June 11

Teachers on strike! Tom’s school closed but Amy’s still open which puts her in VERY BAD MOOD. She protests that going in to school will be complete waste of time as all teachers off, but I insist she goes in as has saxophone lesson already paid for ( £14 for 30 minutes!!!)

Get automated text from Amy at lunchtime which says ‘Help get me out of this miserable hell hole, hugs and kisses Amy’. Play it to friend Emily who is over for lunch and we laugh a lot.

In evening Amy and I go to Zumba. Feeling quite pleased with self despite not having attended for several weeks then Kizzy introduces new routines and all goes tits up (not literally). Am glad was near back of hall.

Dogs Trust ‘Dog of the week’ in Salisbury journal features William the Saluki. Cut out article.

WEEK 14 - 17th-23rd June 2011

Friday 17^th June 11

Meet Tom and three friends in Sainsbury’s car park. Sleepover at our house. Tom finishing off mint Aero and smarties milkshake. Even more revoltingly his friend Sam has just finished Bakewell tart and custard milkshake on top of bag of chips. Yuk! Worry that boys may actually be sick on way home so drive slowly up the Chalke Valley. Prepare huge supper of chicken and chips for boys and Amy and then Rob, Hector and I escape to pub. Debate whether taking dog is wise decision as is doing awful cabbagy farts.

Show Rob article in paper saying that shirts worn by Bee Gees and John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever are apparently back in fashion. Later Rob enters sitting room with shirt unbuttoned to waist and asks us what we think. Fortunately no sign of medallion but still gets unanimous thumbs down.

Saturday 18^th June 11

After breakfast Rob buys car. Alpha Romeo Brera. Hasn’t yet sold old car so we now have 3 cars ( 2 of which look the same to me) and no money.

Get ready for Allison and Stephen’s wedding. Tell Rob we need to leave at 11am but he decides to clean car and is still wandering round the garden in his jeans with bucket and sponge at 10.40. Try to stay calm to avert tension induced migraine. Rob comes in at 10.45 and announces it only takes 10 minutes to drive to Tisbury so we don’t need to leave until 11.30. Aaaaggghhh.

Leave the house at 11am. Just as well, as manage  to find every church in Tisbury except the one where the wedding is taking place.

Lovely wedding service and surprisingly brief despite 5 hymns and Holy Communion and Allison’s suggestion that we might want to bring a book. Torrential showers have everyone dashing back into church during the photos. Rain stops and everyone emerges from church only for rain to start again. Rob and I make a run for the car which Rob has parked against grassy bank. I cannot get into passenger seat and have to hurl myself onto back seat. Manoeuvre made difficult by very tight dress. Worry that large silk hat lent by Julia will become misshapen due to dampness.

Wonderful wedding reception in Bowerchalke village hall, apart from Rob informing me AFTER half hour conversation with friends doing catering that I have red lipstick on both canines ‘which looks quite horrible’ like vampire. Tempted to pour glass of wine over his head.  Afterwards R and I don jeans and boots and walk home across the fields. Takes an hour but at least is sunny and warm. Feel very tired when get home (nothing to do with volume of champagne and wine consumed)and have brief power nap on sofa.

Have supper on laps with Amy and Tom and watch film. Rob clears away plates. Amy leaves room and exclaims loudly that cat has been sick in food bowl to which Rob says ‘ No she hasn’t that’s your mothers lasagne’. Not very nice. 

Wednesday 22^nd June 11

No enquiries about Alfa Romeo for sale. Panic slightly and go to ‘Bank of Dad’ to ask for bridging loan. Request granted!

Amy arrives home in high spirits and announces that Zombie auditions are being held for Brad Pitt’s latest film for which you get paid £130 per day. Refrain from making smart arse comment about typecasting but do point out that as auditions are in Glasgow and that filming takes place during the last week of the school term, I don’t think it’s a goer. Amy says she wishes she had a fun parent. Oh dear.

WEEK 13 - 10-16th June 2011

Friday 10^th June 11

Amy returns from London accompanied by Tom's Godmother who turns round and returns to London with Tom who is spending weekend her eating out and visiting London Aquarium (again the sea life theme!) Amy asks Rob what has happened to his hair.

Saturday 11^th June 11

Get up early and help Amy get ready to depart for final assessed D of E expedition. Sunny day but heavy rain forecast for Sunday. Amy asks if there is anything I can give her to make her go to the loo now to avoid going behind a bush later.

Phone rings at 10. Is Becky, mother of Izzy. She says she has deposited girls at start point and that Amy seemed in particular high spirits, announcing when dropped off ‘ Come on girls, today I am going to teach you to ride a cow’. Wonder aloud what she had for breakfast. An illegal substance? Too many coco pops?

Phone rings at 11am. Is Amy on Marlborough Downs calling to say her group is lost. Feel somewhat anxious.

Sunday 12^th June 11

Wake up at 7am to the sound of rain. Think of Amy and team sleeping in tent and then having to walk 18km.

While having coffee round kitchen table Tom notices slight lump under rug. Pulls back rug to reveal very flat and dead mouse. Am embarrassed as have his Godmother staying and have no idea

1. How mouse got under rug
2. How long it has been there
3. How many times it must have been walked over to become so flat.

Amy returns late afternoon. Soaking wet, cold, tired and tearful. She has passed for Bronze D of E. Am very pleased and a little bit amazed.

Monday 13^th June 11

Tom appears at breakfast and asks ‘Do you remember the time Dad put cornflakes in the teapot because I have just thrown my pyjamas down the loo instead of in the laundry basket’. Fortunately loo had been flushed beforehand. I empathise by revealing I once forgot to take my bra off in the shower.

Tuesday 14^th June 11

Receive jubilant call from my parents who have been tasked with finding various ‘things’ for Rob’s Army quarter in Catterick, to say they have bought second hand Dyson, microwave oven and canteen of bone handled cutlery all for £20. Like a couple of elderly Wombles. Email Rob to pass on the good news.

Tom displeased that we are having ‘ bag of brown’ from the freezer for dinner. Have to admit it doesn’t look great but when cooked turns into delicious beef casserole. Yum. Rob away but make point of telling him this when he calls later. Ha!

Wednesday 15^th June 11

Get another call from the Yorkshire Wombles to say they have bought a freezer from a neighbour for £30 and also have a nearly new washer/dryer which they got for nothing from another neighbour who was about to take it to the tip. Think perhaps they should consider starting ‘rag and bone’ business as clearly talented. They are now on the hunt for a fridge, dishwasher and bicycle.

WEEK 12 - 3rd-9th June 2011

Friday 3^rd June

Very hot day. Went to open air swimming pool to cool off. Unfortunately pool and area around it proved to be micro climate of cold and windiness. Sat down to read and noticed that having changed, Amy had stuffed her bra and pants in my handbag despite having own bag. Exclaimed and made to remove offending articles but told by Amy ‘Don’t touch it.' What a princess. Tom told off by lifeguard for doing back flips into pool. Shivered for an hour and then all went back to friend's garden where still hot and windless.

Sunday 5^th June

Back in Broad Chalke. Woken at 4.40am by noisy cat. Thought perhaps food bowl empty so went downstairs. Food bowl full so have no idea what problem could be as eating is cats only pastime apart from sleeping and killing things. Went back to bed. Woken by dog barking at 6. Wondered what was going on with the animals. Perhaps is full moon. Wonder how things are in Worcester where animals are already mad.

Encourage Amy to pack for her week of work experience with fashion designer in London. All chosen outfits lovely but veto orange skirt as indecently short.

All took Amy to Salisbury station to catch train to Waterloo where being met by Alex. As waiting on platform for departure, mobile rang. Was Amy calling from seat on train. Told her to get off phone as mobiles not allowed in carriage (pointed to poster on window next to her). Asked her to text me every 20 minutes of journey and not to talk to odd looking man sitting across the aisle. Shed a tear as train pulled out. Am clearly turning into my mother. 

While putting away clean laundry in afternoon, notice that Amy’s orange skirt is missing from wardrobe.

Monday 6^th June

Get text from Julia to say that Toby has eaten ENTIRE Simnel cake!

Tom arrived home and showed me latest Art. Studying Henri Matisse and had to make drawings in style of Matisse on subject of freedom. Tom had drawn rocket powered whale and dolphin riding a motorbike, both slightly cartoony. Enquired whether T had received any feedback from teacher. He had and it was not encouraging. Tom’s art has always been a bit ‘off the wall’ and frequently ridiculed by Amy. His favoured subjects have included (in chronological order)

1. Pterodactyls

2. Sharks (usually in the act of eating people or other sea life)

3. Dolphins

4. Bats

He also once did a very good picture of a Perch ( the fish). I think he may be a creative genius, but then I am his mother.

Tuesday 7^th June

Rob working from home and is complete computer hog. Barely have chance to check emails all day.   Take revenge by planting bay tree in his potato patch. So far I don’t think he’s noticed.

Wednesday 8^th June 11

Hair clippers arrive , ordered by Rob on internet. Tom impulsively decides to let me clipper his hair in the kitchen. Both slightly nervous and situation made worse by starting off with wrong attachment. (Number 3 instead of number 4) Take large chunk out of back of hair leaving it too short. Say ‘Oh my God’ and ‘Oh f***’ in alarm. Tom asks me not to say these things as is disconcerting. Final hairdo actually rather successful. Less happy with Rob’s which I feel is result of his long, detailed but confusing instructions. In the end he tries to do it himself and ends up looking like he has mange round his ears. Not a great look for a Commanding Officer or for anyone really. 

Thursday 9^th June 11

Notice in evening that the dog’s ears smell strongly of Rosemary. Ask Rob if he has noticed this. Conclude that dog has been foraging for bird bread in rosemary bush which surrounds bird table. Think if he goes out smelling like that the neighbourhood dogs will beat him up or mistake him for roast leg of lamb and eat him.

WEEK 11 - 27th May - 2nd June 2011

Friday 27^th May

Last day of work. Feels like am about to be released into community after lengthy jail term.

 Am leaving to start course in interior design. Hoorah!

Met Tom after school / work and killed time while Amy has hair cut. Went to M and S as T needed loo. He was AGES. Had to sit down on chair to wait.Tempted to call him on mobile. Finally reappeared and went to collect Amy. Amy hair short and in asymmetric bob.

At dinner Rob told Amy she looked like Phil Oakey of Human League. Blank looks so googled picture. Amy still baffled as Phil Oakey now completely bald.

Sunday 29^th May

All went to Katie-Jaynes in evening for dinner. Delicious steak. In lull after main course observed that all place mats feature Australian creatures. (K-J lived out there for some years so house full of Australiana like didgeridoos and giant wooden lizards). Told assembled company that my mat featured a kangaroo. Amy replied that hers had a long-necked turtle and an enchilada. I think echidna was the word she was looking for. Much hilarity. After dinner Tom and Rob tasked with putting chickens and ducks to bed. Away so long I went to look for them and found them both cuddling chickens at the end of the garden. Managed to persuade them to return indoors but halfway down garden Rob became distracted by guinea pig. Gave up and went back to house for another glass of wine.

Monday 30^th May

Called Julia in morning. Discussed Rob’s strange affinity with Guinea pigs. (Love that Guinea pig in French is cochon d’Inde which translates as Indian pig.) Told Julia about friendly chickens next door. She said they had just taken delivery of 15 ex-battery hens which refuse to go to bed. Much chicken chasing previous night and one escaped over rear garden fence. Julia and children had to jump in car and race round streets to rear of garden wielding sticks where managed to corner chicken. Drove back to house with chicken on Heloise’s knee. Neighbours must think they are completely barmy.

Australian placemat talk continued at lunchtime when Tom said his mat had shown a lesser spotted taco and Rob said his was of a flat coated chimichanga and a flock of tortillas. Amy took this quite well but joke starting to wear thin. Think may start to lash out if smart arse comments continue.

Tuesday 31^st May

Went shopping in Swindon. Found Elvis wig for dogs in Hawkins Bazaar. Also managed to find lots of graffiti. Had enchiladas for dinner in Amy’s honour.

Wednesday 1^st June

Up to Worcester to see Julia, Charlie and children. Took gifts of wine and Simnel cake for Toby who loved ours at Easter ( the cake, not the wine). All taken aback by how much Zulu (9 year old Labrador)has grown since last visit. Think he may have eaten all the pies. Julia very defensive of dog weight gain and insisted larger appearance due to ‘baggy skin’ which apparently is well known in ageing dogs. J said that Murphy ( our deceased chocolate lab) was another example of this phenomenon.  Not best comparison to make as Murphy known to all as greediest dog in UK and possibly world. Went with Julia to collect George (Border Terrier) from poodle parlour where was being stripped. Drove home with George on back seat smelling very strongly of soap and shedding fluff whenever he moved.

Charlie modelled red shiny suit made by tailor in Tunisia. Worse than could possibly have imagined especially with white slip on shoes.  First outing for suit will be to smart 40^th birthday party in London next month. If I was Julia I would arrive and leave separately.

Julia clearly still feeling defensive of pets. Later in day produced book about Border Terriers as proof that George is normal for breed. Pointed out that pictures gave no scale of dogs featured and that while George may look like Border Terrier he is twice the size of any others I have seen, hence nickname -GMD (Genetically Modified Dog).

Toby also much bigger than when last saw him and eating like horse. Something in water?

Later went in to town where Charlie bought black satin shirt to wear with red shiny suit.

Thursday 2^nd June

Woken at 6am as usual by Zulu and George howling. Mad house.

Later in morning went for walk in Malverns where Julia asked by friendly fellow dog walker what breed of dog George was. Didn’t dare make eye contact with Amy or Tom. Lovely walk only marred slightly by Julia screaming at Zulu who ran round frightening small children. George kept on lead as untrustworthy and uninsured.

Returned to Worcester and presented with large jar of ‘Charlie’s Bee Juice’ by Charlie. First honey from his own hives. Impressed!

Left mad family in afternoon to return to Shrivenham where staying in friends empty house.

WEEK 10 - 20- 27th May 2011

Friday 20^th May

Amy and I to Waitrose after work to buy essentials for D of E expedition which included Dry Shampoo ( Is this really necessary when only away for one night? I think not.), large quantity of TUC biscuits, jelly babies and a cucumber. Realised at checkout that debit card missing from wallet. Mild panic. Paid for weird shopping with credit card, collected Tom and friends and headed to train station where remembered had made last purchase with card 24 hours previously. Relieved and happy to discover they had found my card, short lived when told that they had shredded it. Tempted to say ‘Oh bloody great, thank you very much’.

Amy packing for D of E expedition. Planning to take Rob’s 60 litre rucksack. Rob tentatively suggested smaller rucksack might be better but Amy fiercely adamant that there was no way it would hold all her stuff.

Rob, Hector and I decide to decamp to pub which would normally be relaxing but this time full of shouting toddlers. Return home after one drink.

On arriving home Tom complains of bright red and sore arm caused by Amy attempting to wax it. Asked why he allowed her to do this. He said ’allow’ wasn’t really the term he would choose as she had run into the study where he was playing CoD with Sam and Hugh and slapped hot wax strip on his arm. Wax not hot enough so no hairs lost but neither would it come off so had to be removed with washing up scrubby- sponge. Promise will speak to Amy.

Rucksack decision finalised when Rob gets 60 litre version out of attic and Amy unable to lift it even when empty. 

Entertained during dinner by Tom’s friend Hugh showing us how to snap bananas.

Saturday 21^st May

Sassy, Izzy and Naomi arrive to be taken by me to Marlborough Downs. Enormous rucksacks. Struggle lifting Sassy’s into boot of car. Izzy says ‘Oh my god did anyone pack any lip gloss?’ I say nothing. In car Izzy says ‘Look I brought my special birdy hair clip’. I remain silent. Girls sing extremely loudly all the way. Drop them off feeling deafened and apprehensive. At least weather sunny.

Go for lovely sunny walk with Rob, Tom and Hector round village and through water meadow. Step in very sloppy cow pat. Spend time talking to herd of young cows who are fascinated by Hector. Hector less keen and slinks off. Cows allow us to stroke their heads and try to lick us. Tom very taken by them and hard to drag him away.

Sunday 22^nd May

Return of the trekker. Tired, dirty, wearing the same clothes she set off in yesterday and apparently having eaten nothing but custard creams for 36 hours. Izzy lost the special birdy clip.

Hoping for nice family evening all together but Tom refusing to come downstairs as Amy watching dreadful old film in sitting room starring ‘El Flopso’, which is Tom speak for Hugh Grant.

Spoke to Julia. Charlie still working in Tunisia and having party suit made out of stripy red fabric. Think is time he came home.

Monday 23^rd May

Ensuite smelly again. Noooooooooo!

Rob and I notice in evening that strawberries in back garden are being eaten by something. Can’t imagine slugs are culprits. Wonder if is cat but not sure if cats eat fruit.

Tuesday 24^th May

Tom spots rabbit crossing front garden as leave for school/ work. Think probably is strawberry thief.  Cat exonerated. Tom asks for permission to shoot rabbit with air rifle.

Children starving after school. Hurriedly prepare dinner of bangers and mash. Wonder why potatoes making squeaking sound and taking ages to boil. Realise belatedly have forgotten to put water in pan. Cut charred bits off potatoes and use clean, non-blackened pan. Hope gravy will disguise burny taste .Seems to work as children do not comment and clear plates. Phew!

Wednesday 25^th May 11

Throughout day keep receiving odd web links from Rob who is either bored or losing plot. First was an article about skydiving dogs. (They do jumps with their special forces handlers.)  Apparently dogs don’t mind jumping out of planes as they lack awareness of the distance to earth. They are more concerned by the engine noise. Interesting.

Next I receive link to information about Alfa Romeo Brera. Think Rob might be fancying new car. Brera looks to me exactly like Alfa Romeo we already have but am sure there must be subtle differences I am missing.

WEEK 9 - 13th - 19th May 2011

Friday 13^th May

Emailed Rob from work in thoughtful ‘wifey’ mode and asked if he would like anything special for dinner as was going to Waitrose after work. R replied with web link to complex curry recipe. What happened to a simple ‘I’ll have bangers and mash please’ kind of response?

Tom called on mobile as was finishing work to say he and Joe would like pizza for dinner as he (Tom) couldn’t use cutlery with broken finger. Rather lame excuse but said OK.

On way home Amy told Joe (coming for sleepover and the one who’s foot connected with Tom’s finger) that we were considering taking legal action. Joe replied fine with him as mother a personal injury lawyer. Note to self; Don’t mess with Joe.

Saturday 14^th May

Called upon to wash Tom’s hair as tricky with one hand. Found him in bath wearing flannel as loin cloth and with sandwich bag on left hand.

Mother in law visitation. Estimated touchdown 12.30pm. Arrived promptly and apparently had good journey apart from seeing dead wallaby at the side of the road near Oxford (Hmmm) and hitting heavy traffic near Stonehenge (not literally).

Gardened in afternoon and m-i-l spent an hour digging dandelions out of back lawn! Extremely helpful but hope this is not expected to be reciprocal arrangement.

Amy revising for GCSE Biology and Chemistry and planning D of E expedition on phone with Izzy. Said they have decided to travel light by sharing make-up bag. Good grief.

Rob complaining that freezer full of nothing tasty, only large quantity of ‘bags of brown’ which are mine and which I should eat. Have no idea what these ‘bags of brown’ are. Suppose will have to investigate. 

Sunday 15^th May

Stung by criticism of freezer management. In quiet moment examine contents which do prove to be largely unidentifiable. Not sure what to do as;

1.       Don’t wish to eat any of it.

2.       Can’t get anything else into freezer.

3.       Hector still on DOG FOOD ONLY regime so no ‘bags of brown’ for him.

Thursday 19^th May

Unsettling breakfast caused by cat racing round house at top speed with mad look in its eye. Walked up Church Bottom at 07.30 with dog who provided much more relaxing company. Think he is becoming short sighted though as raised hackles and rushed up track to what he clearly thought was  another creature but which was actually lump of wood.

At work Amy appeared at my desk with Izzy at 2.15 having sat first GCSE. Both in high spirits and steal bright blue plastic shoe covers (for snowy days) which they proceed to wear on heads. Don’t remember being this manic in middle of my O’Levels. 

Notice on return home that Persian rug is being made smelly by dog sitting on it all day. Wonder why old dogs become smelly when old people do not. Mum and Dad both very fragrant. Open back door to let in fresh air. Cat sitting on door mat eating entire dead mouse. Lovely.