tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30994394751187100032023-11-15T10:38:16.545-08:00A year of my lifeKaren Howiesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06355601677785894208noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3099439475118710003.post-42361108080249603702012-12-22T06:57:00.002-08:002012-12-22T06:57:34.362-08:00WEEK 30 9-15th October 2011
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sunday 9<sup>th</sup> October 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Take dogs for walk round village. Enjoyment slightly marred
by having to remove succession of dead frogs from Angus’s mouth. First frog is
pancake flat and dried out like piece of beef jerky. Second frog is bloated
like frog balloon. Manage to extract it from his jaws before one of his sharp
puppy teeth pierces skin thereby preventing explosion of decaying frog slime.
Phew!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Monday 10<sup>th</sup> October 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Alarm fails to go off and finally wake up at 7.15am. Amy very
grumpy<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and declares ‘ I have to shower!’
Tom able and willing to get ready for school in 20 minutes but don’t have
energy to persuade Amy that she could do the same if she tried. Drive children
to school.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tuesday 11<sup>th</sup> October 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tom gets up and dresses without washing. Understand now how
he can get ready for school in 20 minutes. Insist he undresses and has a shower
which makes him very bad tempered. Is it too much to hope for some kind of
balance in children’s washing habits? Currently have;</span></span></div>
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">One
obsessively hygienic child who becomes neurotic at prospect of not being
able to wash hair daily and takes dry shampoo on Duke of Edinburgh Award
expeditions <o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">One
child not inclined to wash as all.</span></span></li>
</ol>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Angus and I walk to the bus stop with the children. Angus
smiles doggily and wags his tail all the way there. The children and I agree
that if we could read his thoughts they would say ‘Happy, happy, happy I’m so
happy’. What a little ray of sunshine he is. Fondness for Angus dims slightly
when he does a sloppy impromptu poo on the pavement opposite the bus stop. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wednesday 12<sup>th</sup> October 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Have long chat with Emily on the phone who tells me that Tom
talked nicely to her Mum for several minutes at the bus stop yesterday. Pass on
positive feedback to Tom as trying to be good parent dishing out praise and
bollockings in equal measure. Tom says ‘ Well, I am a very good child, you
should be very pleased.’ </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thursday 13<sup>th</sup> October 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Parents staying. Take them to Shaftesbury and again have
large cakes in café on Gold Hill followed by visit to Antique shop. My life is
turning into Groundhog Day. Tell lady in shop that am looking for smallish
button backed chair. She says she has one. Hoorah! Wish the children were with
me to help me carry it round town. Ha! Sadly, chair is at her house but she
promises to email me a photo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In café
Dad reveals that he doesn’t like the new boyfriend of a friend but can’t put
his finger on exactly why, but then says ‘ I don’t like his teeth’ and bares
his own teeth to make the point or perhaps just to make sure I know what teeth
are? Ask what on earth could be so offensive about someone’s teeth but both
parents become vague. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">After large cakes, Mum announces ‘ “The time has come”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the Walrus said’, which makes me laugh a lot
and which apparently is ‘mother speak’ for ‘I have decided to lose weight by
eating sensibly in future’ . Like I haven’t heard this before. Wonder if
parents have been smoking weed in the spare room. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Saturday 15<sup>th</sup> October 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In morning help out at BWS Christmas Fair, on cake stall.
Yum. Tom plays rugby against Millfield. Fear massacre but actually although
defeated, scores much more even (32 – 21) than in previous match against
Sherbourne (55 – 5). Tom pleased despite stamped on thigh covered in bruises
and stud marks. At bed time he asks if he can have a new gum shield as old one
has bits coming off it. Tell him he is supposed to wear it not eat it. Worried
about brutishness of rugby and that he will end up with flattened and bent nose
like Mike Tindall or even worse with cauliflower ears.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mustn’t be neurotic mother but would prefer
it if he stuck to non contact sports like tennis and tiddlywinks. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Karen Howiesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06355601677785894208noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3099439475118710003.post-50982862997569640652012-12-22T06:52:00.001-08:002012-12-22T06:58:10.098-08:00WEEK 29 2nd-8th October 2011<br />
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sunday 2<sup>nd</sup> October 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Becky arrives to collect Izzy and Naomi who have been staying
over. All three girls elected to sleep in a row in the spare bed. Have
very funny conversation about farts with Becky who calls them ‘Trouser coughs’
which I have never heard before but which I plan to share with everyone I know.
Becky’s sister has taught her small children that when they ‘break wind’ they
must say ‘I beg your pardon Mrs Arden, is there a pig in your garden?’ This is
the maddest thing I have ever heard. I laugh hysterically, watched by bemused
children. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Notice mid morning that cat has disappeared. Search house but
still no cat. It seems she has escaped while wearing her daffodil. This is
worrying for a number of reasons</span></span></div>
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Cat
has tunnel vision<o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Cat
has no spatial awareness and keeps crashing into things. May try and go
through narrow space and get stuck<o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Daffodil
makes cat nervous and she has been walking round the house backwards since
Friday which could prove hazardous when crossing the road or if fact when
trying to do anything catlike.</span></span></li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Animal dramas continue after lunch. Have just sat down
outside with newspaper when Angus gets stung on paw by wasp and makes loud
yowling noise for about 20 minutes. Eventually calms down after cold compress
applied to paw and is cuddled for ages.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">By 9pm still no cat so Amy and I put notes through doors of
all houses on the road. At 11pm cat returns,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Praise the Lord, still wearing daffodil. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Monday 3<sup>rd</sup> October 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Put notes through all doors of houses on road to say cat has
returned. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Meet children in Salisbury after school to collect Tom’s new
school shoes which have arrived in lovely M and S and to get him a hair cut as
is starting to look like Yak, like the cat. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">On way home Tom complains at length about the inferior
quality of the loo roll at Bishop’s. Conversation develops as follows;</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Me; ‘You wouldn’t believe what we had to put up with at
school‘ </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tom; ‘A sponge on a stick? The height of Yorkshire
sophistication.’</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amy; ‘A cheese grater?’</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I say neither of these suggestions is correct and Amy’s
comment is frankly bizarre and conjures up horrible images of people grating
their bums. Anyway, once they have recovered from laughing at their own jokes I
tell them we had awful, shiny, non-absorbent grease proof paper. Tom says this
is exactly what they have at Bishop’s. Plus ca change. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tuesday 4<sup>th</sup> October 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ask Amy for Christmas list and Tom for birthday/Christmas
list as plan to be ultra organised and not leave everything until last minute
as in previous years. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Feel children are not taking request seriously as Amy’s list
includes ‘Gladiator outfit for Kiki complete with solid gold breast plate’ and
Tom has written at the bottom of his list ‘ I just want you to know that I love
you and have the number of Shady Oaks retirement home’ presumably in case his
demands are not met.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have to ask him to
actually translate his list into plain English as it includes items such as;</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">‘CoD MW3’ , ‘GBR 2011/12’ and ‘Nerf n-Strike Barricade RV-10’
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Try to keep on top of gardening as have mother in law
visitation this weekend followed by parental visit on Wednesday. Mow lawn in
hot sunshine but can’t get petrol strimmer to start. All shears blunt so end up
cutting around shrubs with kitchen scissors and hoping that none of the
neighbours see me.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In evening Tom and I watch the final of ‘The Great British
Bake off’. We are riveted. Usually hate cookery programmes but this is a
revelation. One of the cooks is a bit heavy handed with the ingredients and
produces cakes and puddings twice the size of everyone else’s. Her croissant
could easily feed a family of four. Tom remembers Amy used to make ENORMOUS
things in Food Tech and we reminisce about the gigantic Swiss roll which
wouldn’t go in the cake tin. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wednesday<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>5<sup>th</sup>
October 11</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Get letter from youngest God daughter (at boarding school).
Tells me she has pet ladybird which she keeps in a box and feeds with Aphids.
Think ladybirds chances of long and happy life are low. What does an Aphid look
like?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Have lunch in Stockbridge with lovely Army wife friends (one
now ex- Army wife. Not due to divorce but due to husband leaving Army). Sit
outside as Sarah having hot flush. Discuss whether fact that we have<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>all become keen gardeners is symptom of
middle age. Think hot flush is clearer symptom but don’t say so out loud. Maria
tells us she is having dinner with friends ‘Buffy and Winky’ later in the week.
I am unable to contain a snort of mirth and reveal ( perhaps rather
tactlessly?) that ‘Mr Winky’ is Tom’s name for his willy. Maria says she will
never be able to speak to Winky again without this thought passing through her
mind. Oops. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When children get home I tell them very funny Winky story.
Tom FURIOUS and says he has NEVER referred to his pride and joy as ‘Mr Winky’,
that I am the only one to have used this term and that UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES
am I to say this in my diary. Oops again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In evening have supper with local friends in Fovant. Great
fun. Drink too much wine. Know this at time because start saying ‘ Fuck’ a lot
and go to bed without removing make up. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thursday 6<sup>th</sup> October 11</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wake up with mild hangover and once again curse stupidity at
not recognising when to say ‘ No more wine thanks’. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">At breakfast I tell children that a few of us at dinner last
night have decided to form a Book club and I am organising the first meeting.
Amy says ‘God you must have been drunk’. Teenagers can be so charming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Before departing for school Tom presents me with
supplementary Christmas / Birthday list. This one includes another six
varieties of Nerf gun, a fish tank, an inflatable cowboy outfit and a request
to be taken paint balling. I suggest he has a rethink. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Friday 7<sup>th</sup> October 11</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Still have symptoms of hangover – and think I might actually
be ill. Want to spend day lying down but instead mow lawn and cook a lot of
stuff for weekend. Feel quite crap and recline on sofa briefly between
activities.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Saturday 8<sup>th</sup> October 11</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">M –I – l arrives for lunch. Children shatter my self-image as
domestic goddess by laughing at my jam tarts and calling them ‘Tards’. Am
informed this is hybrid of ‘Tart’ and ‘Retard’. Take Verney to Shaftesbury and
have tea in café at top of Gold Hill. All eat large cakes. Verney expresses
wish to buy fruit spoons. Try not look at children who are convinced Verney has
spoon fetish as have received many as gifts including;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>signs of the zodiac spoons , long handled
pickle spoons, silver stilton spoon and most recently Welsh love spoon.
Children manage to contain mirth. Phew. Buy HUGE gold framed mirror in Antique
shop and have to lug it round from shop to shop. Children slightly embarrassed
by this and recall last time I was in Shaftesbury I bought a chair and carried
that around. Suspect they think this is deliberate attempt to humiliate them.
Must think of something really outrageous to buy next time.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Karen Howiesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06355601677785894208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3099439475118710003.post-35110548389647245192012-12-22T06:46:00.001-08:002012-12-22T06:46:23.785-08:00WEEK 28 25th Sept-1st October 2011
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sunday 25<sup>th</sup> September 11</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amy and I make impulse decision to go and see Jane Eyre at
cinema in evening. Tom reluctantly comes too. Film has barely started when Tom
stage whispers that he needs to fart. I ignore him. Film brilliant. Amy cries a
lot. As we leave Tom announces he spent whole two hours thinking about the
curry I had cooked for supper. Think that after fart comment he should lay off
curry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Am kissing children good night much
later when Amy manages to get bazooka veruca cream all over my cardigan. Quite
an achievement as said cream has been applied to her big toe. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Monday 26<sup>th</sup> September 11</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Cat has cut tail and lost area of fur. Not sure whether to
blame attack by creature unknown (would a cat bite another cats tail?) or
whether tail has been trapped somewhere. Anyway, have to ask K-J to come over
and help me with first aid as two hands inadequate. Kiki not pleased with
attention and develops strength of 10 cats in escape bid. Manage to apply
Savlon and dressing but not sure how long it will stay on.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Decide in evening to sit down and watch a bit of TV but don’t
know what’s on as Angus has eaten the review section from Saturday’s Telegraph.
Sigh. Am forced to channel hop like man.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tom reveals late in evening that he has lost 1 school shoe.
God! Does this happen to other families? When I express dismay he tells me they
were getting too small anyway as though that makes it all fine. Words fail me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tuesday 27<sup>th</sup> September 11</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Send Tom to school in best suede loafers and arrange to meet
both children in town after school to purchase new shoes for all.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Go with K-J to Fellowship group in village hall. Slight
concern that it is a Christian group and I am heathen. K-J assures me the
religious bit is minor and mostly a good chance to have coffee and chat. Sounds
good. On arrival everyone very friendly but quickly become alarmed at group
leaders introduction which includes multiple references to prayer and the holy
spirit. This is followed by the singing of 4 religious songs. A small voice in my head starts saying ‘Run away, run
away…’ but I feel this would be quite rude. Then the singing is over and coffee
starts and I meet lots of lovely people and leave feeling glad I went ( but
still firmly heathen).</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In town after school Tom reveals he has been ridiculed for
wearing ‘posh’ shoes! Never realised boys could be so bitchy. Perhaps is the
oestrogen in the water? Shoe shopping rapidly turns into nightmare. How could I
have forgotten this? In Russell and Bromley Tom chooses what can only be
described as ‘winkle pickers’. Conversation takes place as follows;</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Me; ‘No way’</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"></span><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tom; ‘Why not?’</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Me; (In quiet voice so shop assistant won’t hear) ‘Because
they are poofy and your father would have a fit’</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amy; (helpfully) ‘All the boys are wearing them’</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Request Amy keeps out of things and remain firm. Three shops
and 45 minutes later we finally order Tom shoes in M and S and Amy chooses
first pair she tries on, also in M and S. Thank you M and S! I vow always to
buy your knickers. Actually, not that grateful as am £80 poorer. Feel small
pang that this is last school shoes we will have to buy Amy as no uniform in
sixth form. Feel LARGE pang of relief.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">On way home in car (finally) Amy tells me that Mr Lawrence her
Physics teacher thinks she is weird and has split personality because Izzy has
revealed to him what she (Amy)had told the German exchange students on the
guided tour of the school </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"></span><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">‘This is the cupboard where the teachers store the dead
bodies’ and ‘When we misbehave the teachers stick our heads to the radiator
with Selotape’</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amy breaks off mid way through telling us this and says ‘Yuk,
horse sex’ as we pass field outside Bishopstone. Journey taking on surreal
quality. Am glad on arriving home to see K-J who invites me round for a glass
of wine later. Mr Lawrence has taught Amy for years. Can’t believe it has taken
him so long to form this opinion. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thursday 29<sup>th</sup> September 11</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Find cat paw prints on washbasin and window sill of en-suite.
Lack of ‘tracker skills’ means am unsure whether cat was exiting or entering
window. Wonder whether cat is now living on roof? While pondering cat
movements, worry that may have tied her bandage too tight thereby cutting off
circulation and causing tail eventually to drop off like sheeps. Do farmers
still do this to sheep, to avoid them getting daggy bums? Must ask Emily who is
experienced shepherd. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Have noticed children becoming increasingly competitive about
school. Listen to following conversation at dinner;<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tom; ‘I know much more about maths than you.’</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amy; No you don’t. I know about Quasimodequilibrium.’</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tom; ‘There’s no such thing. Anyway, Quasimodo was a Yeti.’</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Think to self that;</span></span></div>
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amy
very poor at bullshit<o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tom
knows nothing about Victor Hugo.</span></span></li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">During same meal Tom thoughtfully warns Amy to watch out for
the ‘Cardinal capsules’ in the curry. Think he means Cardamoms.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Friday 30<sup>th</sup> September 11</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Cat confined to house. Have removed dressing from tail and
forced cat to wear ‘daffodil’ bought from vets to stop her chewing tail. Cat
not happy. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Discover on tidying children’s rooms after departure for
school ( yes, I know I should delegate more) that Tom has filled his sock
drawer with a huge number of marbles. Why?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Angus has taken up gardening. In course of day I am presented
with gifts;<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Long
stem of sweet peas<o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Carrot.<o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
</ol>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In evening Amy runs through her repertoire of sheep
impressions from</span></span></div>
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">New
born lamb to<o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Elderly
ewe.</span></span></li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Actually very realistic. Tom says she should be on ‘Britain’s
got talent’. Get telephone call from Rob on the Prairie. First for a week.
Hoorah!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Saturday 1<sup>st</sup> October</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wake up tired having been disturbed in night by cat crashing
around in her daffodil, banging into things, noisily using litter tray on
landing and then crunching way through what sounds like whole bowl of food.
Thoughtless creature. Give up on sleep at 7am and wash up from last night when
Dominique and Sassy came for dinner.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Take Tom to school for first rugby fixture. Amy comes with us
as is meeting friends. Somehow get onto subject of bra size. Tom tells me what
the various sizes stand for;</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A = Almost boobs</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"></span><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">B = Barely there</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">C = Can’t complain</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">D = Dang</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">DD = Double Dang</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">E = Enormous</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">F = Fake</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">G = Get a reduction</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">H = Help I’ve fallen over.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So not great for Amy and me then.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amy says she has committed Facebook faux pas which makes me
want to ban Facebook for ever. She mistakenly clicked on a ‘like page’ so that
on her wall it said ‘ Amy Howieson likes starting a conga line and leading
everyone to her sex dungeon.’ Fortunately she immediately received a message
from Alex (Aunt) alerting her to the mistake,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>saying ‘That’s it, you’re coming to live with me until you’re 35.’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Am worried that the Howieson household is
becoming too liberal. Am I a bad parent?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Karen Howiesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06355601677785894208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3099439475118710003.post-12581700942895061672012-12-22T06:37:00.001-08:002012-12-22T06:37:19.339-08:00Week 27 18-24th September 2011
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sunday 18<sup>th</sup> September 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Back to Broad Chalke by lunchtime. Notice immediately that
neighbour has cut the hedge AGAIN in our absence. What is his problem?
Seethe through lunch and then go next door to have hedge conversation.
Neighbour keeps me on doorstep despite fact that it is raining quite hard. I
think I make it clear he is NOT to cut the hedge again because it is PRIVATE
PROPERTY. Return home to congratulations
from children who have been eavesdropping through Tom’s bedroom window. Amy
says I should have been more aggressive!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This doesn’t surprise me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Get call from Rob who is now on the Prairie in Canada. Feel
sad to think of him as ‘Little Rob on the Prairie’. Tom says this is ridiculous
as he has 1000 men and 50 warriors for company. Fair point. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Monday 19<sup>th</sup> September 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Have to take Amy to school speech day in evening held in
Salisbury cathedral. See new headmistress in distance and keep my head down.
Think leaving job at school, was a bit like escaping from Azkaban and
congratulate self silently on right decision. Service quite dull. Headmistress
addresses audience as though we all have abnormally low IQ’s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Meet Amy afterwards by statue of skinny lady
and we leg it back to car. Arrive home to complete chaos. Tom had been asked to
keep an eye on Angus and let him out a couple of times but has clearly FAILED
to do this. Find Angus in kitchen chewing sofa cushion. Quickly discover
sitting room curtain has been pulled down and hooks broken (and eaten!) and
large puddle of wee in the middle of Hector’s bed. Am NOT PLEASED and say so
quite loudly. Both children make themselves scarce and later find Tom tidying
his wardrobe. This doesn’t really compensate but I don’t say so as he is trying
to make amends and knows being tidy wins brownie points with ‘neat freak’ and
cross mother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tuesday 20<sup>th</sup> September 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Invite hedge cutting neighbour and wife for a drink on
Weds evening. Do this in interests of community harmony. Completely goes
against natural inclination to<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sue
him<o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rip
up hedge and erect ugly 10ft fence<o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
</ol>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Invite friendly neighbours Val and Tim along too to alleviate
any awkwardness (and to prevent hedge cutter having a go at me should he be
planning this.) Reveal plan to children. Amy thinks is the right thing to do.
Tom thinks I am mad. Interesting.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wednesday 21<sup>st</sup> September 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Am quite nervous in lead up to arrival of hedge cutter but
fortunately Tim and Val arrive first. All goes well. Everyone drinks a lot of
wine and beer and they don’t leave until 8.45. Poor children haven’t had any
supper. Give them lots of praise for not saying ‘ God we’re starving’ until
neighbours have left. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Friday 23<sup>rd</sup> September 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Have hair cut in afternoon. Hairdresser goes mad and cuts off
FAR TOO MUCH HAIR and I come away looking like Henry V. Not pleased. Why do
hairdressers always do this? They are the losers as I will now not need hair
cut for much longer than usual. Perhaps own fault for saying ‘cut off an inch’
to someone born in metric age. Note to self ; Give hairdresser instructions in
centimetres next time. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Karen Howiesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06355601677785894208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3099439475118710003.post-56218849321508498552012-11-08T06:07:00.002-08:002012-11-08T06:07:10.735-08:00week 26 -11-17th September 2011<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Monday 12<sup>th</sup> September 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Drive children to bus stop at 7.35 with Angus in boot to try and help him overcome car sickness. Following eminently sensible advice of vet who doesn’t have to clear up industrial quantities of dog sick after every outing. Situation not improving and 2 hour journey to Worcester looming this Friday. Hmmm. Bridget suggests travel sickness bracelet more usually worn by children. Think Angus would chew it unless we can get one big enough to go round his neck. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Spend morning on screamingly boring scale drawings of imaginary bathroom scheme. Can’t muster much enthusiasm for waste pipes. Also difficult to stay focused with Angus leopard crawling behind sofa in kitchen and then getting wedged. Does this repeatedly. Maybe not such a bright gundog as had hoped?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Plan to relax and watch University Challenge in evening but Tom says all the contestants are freaks and that Jeremy Paxman is a bum face. About to protest when I realise he is absolutely right. Turn off TV and read book instead. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tom very pleased to be selected as flanker for rugby C team at school. Amy sniggers irritatingly every time he says ‘Flanker’ because (according to Tom) of what it rhymes. Good grief. I DON’T remember being like that at 15 but then maybe becoming an old fart has clouded my memory and it was a long time ago. Thank you children for pointing this out. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amy demonstrates raunchy dance routine from musical Chicago which she learnt in PE. She is vey good at it. Will pole dancing replace costume design as future career of choice? I hope not. Rob would have a fit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tuesday 13<sup>th</sup> September 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Have revised opinion of Angus being thick and think perhaps I am thick one. Walked to bus stop this morning with children taking Hector (to give him respite from ear biting), leaving Angus shut in laundry. On return Angus has disappeared. Mild panic as search spare room, downstairs loo and even large food cupboard. Find him in garden. Am baffled and starting to consider canine teleporting as real possibility until children return home from school and Tom immediately works out that Angus has exited laundry through cat flap. Duh! Hope he has sense to stop using it before becomes too porky. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wednesday 14<sup>th</sup> September 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Am rudely disturbed in shower at 6.30am by Amy knocking aggressively on door and informing me that shower curtain and entire pole and have fallen on her and that it isn’t her fault. This doesn’t surprise me as nothing ever is. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thursday 15<sup>th</sup> September 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tom now ill and off school. God, what a bunch of sickies! Amy doesn’t think he is ill at all and more likely hasn’t done a piece of homework. Uncharitable I think and I tell her not to judge others on personal experience.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Friday 16<sup>th</sup> September 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tom still ill and off school. Amy tells me I am a sucker for allowing this. I thank her for her input. Drive her to school with Angus in passenger foot well as he has 9am vet appointment. Hoping proximity of fellow passengers may help him overcome car stress. Things don’t bode well when he runs away as we are about to leave house. Think he knows what’s coming. Amy forced to sit cross legged on seat as drooling commences before we have even driven through gate. Amy valiantly battles drool with towel provided but still gets it on tights, shoes and hands. Bleagh.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">After school we drive to Worcester. Angus asleep for most of journey. Hoorah! Dogs don’t dribble in their sleep. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Have dinner in kitchen and then sit around chatting and then have big discussion about eyebrows;<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Julia to Amy ‘ I like your eyebrows’<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amy to Julia ‘ Thanks. Mum says I look like Frieda Kahlo’ <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Julia to Amy ‘ Oh my God that’s so mean’. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Momentarily do feel quite mean but point out in self defence that comment was only made to encourage Amy to use new eyebrow pencil more sparingly. Julia complains that her eyebrows seem to be disappearing altogether and she has a quick go of the ‘Frieda Kahlo’ pencil. Heloise enters kitchen and tells her it makes her look like Stollen. All slightly confused by this comment. Unsure of why pencilled eyebrows should make someone look like German Christmas cake. Heloise says she doesn’t mean Stollen she means Stalin which is much worse than the ‘Frieda’ comment on account of Stalin being;<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A man<o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A dictator<o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Mad<o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Julia somewhat crestfallen. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Everyone loves the puppy including Zulu who tries to hump him, thereby earning the name ‘paedo-dog’. George actually less keen on puppy as latter keeps trying to lick his face which George doesn’t seem to like. Toby says the puppy has a pointed head and concludes is therefore Welsh or from Evesham. Not very kind to either social group. Puppy does actually have pointed head. Is this normal? Conversation then becomes a bit random as Tom spontaneously reveals that his Headmaster is often referred to as Dr Smallcock because he wears very tight shorts to do cross country running. Lovely. Amy then does ‘Awkward Llama’ which is hard to describe but very funny. Amy muses on what dogs would say if they could speak . She thinks George would say ‘I am abnormally large’. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Saturday 17<sup>th</sup> September 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">All pile into Julia’s Pathfinder which gives me the ‘eeby-geebies’ as she cuts along narrow streets at speed, with cars parked on either side. Try not to brake as know this is annoying for driver. Drop Toby at orchestra, Heloise at netball and then head to town where Tom is meeting girlfriend who is quite a bit taller than him. All chat briefly and then wave the lovebirds off. When we meet up later, Tom rather indiscreetly reveals that girlfriend thinks Amy is freakishly small. He does this in front of both girlfriend and Amy! I think a career as a diplomat NOT on the cards for Tom. Amy furious but waits until girlfriend leaves before expressing her displeasure in her own inimitable 'mighty mouse' way. Think ‘Billy big mouth’ should have kept his trap shut. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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Karen Howiesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06355601677785894208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3099439475118710003.post-81923426702154713042012-10-04T11:57:00.000-07:002012-10-04T11:57:00.657-07:00WEEK 25 - 3rd - 10th September 2011<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sunday 4<sup>th</sup> September 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rob and I collect Amy and friends from Pugshole festival all looking rather post-Apocalyptic. Apparently music continued until 5am. Rob and I tell her what a good nights sleep we had in our comfortable bed. Get my suede pumps caked in mud and straw. Camping in field very unappealing. Have definitely turned into old fart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Monday 5<sup>th</sup> September 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Leave house at 7.45. Drive Rob to train station. Drop Amy and then Tom at schools for first day of term and then drive cat to vet for annual booster. Cat frightened and wide eyed. Situation made worse when man arrives with Staffordshire bull terrier straining on lead. Sad to see normally confident and independent cat diminished by fear and imprisonment in cat basket. Turn it round so she doesn’t have to look at scary dog. Finally get home and release cat into garden. House very quiet. Won’t see Rob until his return from <st1:country -region="-region" w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Canada</st1:place></st1:country> at half term. Eat large quantity of biscuits to cheer myself up. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In evening get call from Val and Tim asking me to join them for dinner this Saturday and asking if I eat pork. Wonder out loud whether they heard ‘Bar Mitzvah’ comment over garden fence at weekend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tuesday 6<sup>th</sup> September 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Think am in need of makeover for body and wardrobe. Amy accidentally touches my leg in car and says ’ Are you wearing leather trousers? Oh, no it’s just your skin.’ Tom then asks me why I am wearing my scruffy painting T-shirt. I’m not. Am actually wearing what I consider to be one of smarter T-shirts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, I am both weather beaten and dowdy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Great. Unable to stay cross with children for long as;<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amy has tonsillitis<o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tom’s school bag has gone missing from bag rack outside canteen at school. Contains EVERYTHING. Aaaggghhh. <o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wednesday 7<sup>th</sup> September 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Still no sign of Tom’s bag. Surely if some idiot had taken wrong bag they would have realised by now?? Phone school in morning and speak to deputy head of lower school. Express frustration and concern about missing bag in fairly forthright manner and ask if she thinks someone has nicked it. She responds in soothing tones she clearly thinks appropriate for calming a dangerous lunatic (me).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Get text from Tom in afternoon to say bag and all contents found – buried under pile of old P.E. kit in corner of Gym changing room. So not stolen?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Friday 9<sup>th</sup> September <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Feel slightly guilty as take day off from Interior Design course to go to Ikea in <st1:place w:st="on">Southampton</st1:place> with Emily. Actually this is bonkers as have legitimate professional interest in seeing what Ikea is selling. Pah!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Prevented from going in July due to child sickness (me) and falling Oak tree (Emily). I love Ikea ! We each fill a trolley and visit the café where I eat my own body weight in almond croissants. Trip a big success. Agree must go again before Christmas. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Karen Howiesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06355601677785894208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3099439475118710003.post-472722866585529242012-10-04T11:52:00.001-07:002012-10-04T11:52:06.521-07:00WEEK 24 - 27th August-2nd September 2011<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Saturday 27<sup>th</sup> August 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Starting to feel like Autumn already! Rob asks me if I will help him measure up the new dog for a Barbour jacket. Good grief. How come I shop at H and M but the dog gets a Barbour? Go to Bowerchalke village fete on bikes, with Pepper trotting alongside. Overhear Tom telling friends that ‘Pepper used to belong to Gypsies which is why she steals things’. Take him to one side and explain that the reason the dog is a thief is that;<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">1. She is a dog<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">2. She is a greedy dog<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">and that it is not politically correct to suggest otherwise.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tuesday 30<sup>th</sup> August 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Take Tom to doctors as Rob and I have noticed that he walks with right foot put pointing out like ballet dancer. Female Doctor tells Tom she wants to examine his hip and knee and that he will have to take his jeans off. She then asks him if he is wearing any pants. I try hard not to laugh at outraged expression on Tom’s face. Strange question though. Don’t know many people who don’t wear pants. Especially under jeans. ‘Pants’ theme of day continues when return home and point out to Amy that she is wearing harem pants so low that red, white and blue knickers are showing at the front. She looks down , gives them a tug, brushes something off said pants and says ‘ That wasn’t a weirdly long pubic hair, it was one of Hector’s’. Say that I hadn’t actually noticed weirdly long hair but that I am sure ( and indeed hope) that it was one of Hector’s. They do seem to get everywhere including in the fridge. Yuk. Later am preparing supper when hear Tom squawking loudly in sitting room. Ask Amy, as she passes by, what the matter is with him. She says ‘ Nothing. I just wiped an onion leaf on his face.’. Think it is time the children returned to school. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wednesday 31<sup>st</sup> August 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rather sad day as have made family decision to return Pepper to Dogs Trust as behaviour is out of control. Main reason is bullying of Hector who is too old and doddery to cope. Tom particularly affected as she was his dog. In afternoon have tea with friend who tells me about litter of yellow lab puppies in nearby village. Offspring of two gundogs. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">On the plus side this means well behaved, intelligent, smallish Labradors. On the downside all puppies pee everywhere and chew the furniture. For many years have ruled out ever having another puppy in much the same way as have ruled out having another baby. Later speak to Rob who is surprisingly keen! (On puppy NOT third child). Phew.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thursday 1<sup>st</sup> September 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">We have new addition to family. 10 week old yellow Labrador puppy as yet unnamed. Very cute.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Friday 2<sup>nd</sup> September 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Puppy howls all night and appears considerably less cute when I finally give up on sleep at 6.10am. Still no name as Rob wants to be included in discussion so will have to wait until tonight. I like the name Crumpet. Rob favours something Scottish and Tom wants to call him Peanut. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In evening Tom spends much time on computer. On investigation discover he is looking up which universities offer degree courses in medicine and researching the cost of insuring himself for a group 18 Porsche, having seen a desirable model on the internet. Aware that Tom likes to be organised but think this is taking forward planning to new extremes as he is only 13. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Saturday 3<sup>rd</sup> September 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tom announces at breakfast that he has done an on line quiz to see which Harry Potter character he is most like and the answer was Hermione Granger. He is not pleased. I think quiz is spot on but don’t say so.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Victory for Rob and Scotland as decide to call the puppy Angus. I liked Podge but Rob says it is terribly Sloaney. Like Angus isn’t? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In garden in afternoon Tom EXTREMELY LOUDLY asks me if we can have his Bar Mitzvah at our house. Strange comment considering Tom is a Roman Catholic but probably related to fact that he is currently studying Judaism in R.S.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amy gets dressed up to go to the Pugshole Festival in Bowerchalke in weirdly patterned leggings, moccasins, feather necklace and enormous feathered earrings. Hector ( boy) who is staying asks her if she is going as a Red Indian. Amy says nothing but gives him a death stare.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Karen Howiesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06355601677785894208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3099439475118710003.post-27658462905479889232012-09-26T10:23:00.001-07:002012-09-26T10:23:20.903-07:00WEEK 23 - 20-26th August 2011<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Monday 22<sup>nd</sup> August 11<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Rob on exercise on Salisbury Plain all week. Has important visit on Wednesday from very senior politician. Rob plans to put him in turret of Warrior. I observe that he is quite a tubby chap and I hope he doesn’t get wedged in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rob getting fancy new uniform or ‘costume’ as Amy says. Consists of frock coat with lots of frogging, tight black trousers and spurs. Funky! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Tuesday 23<sup>rd</sup> August 11<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;">News full of what is happening in Libya. Explain situation in brief to Tom as concerned children don’t take<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>interest in current affairs or recognise seriousness of events. Tom listens attentively but then asks Amy as she enters room ‘ Have you heard about Colonel Gaddafodil?’ and she replies ‘Do you mean Colonel Gaddaffyduck?’ . I give up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Wednesday 24<sup>th</sup> August 11<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Amy, Tom, Pepper and I drive to Lulworth Cove for day out. We plan to walk to Durdle Door and have a picnic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have panic on reaching Durdle Door that dogs will not be allowed on beach in summer months. Look over cliff at beach. Needn’t have worried as lots of families paddling and picnicking with dogs of all shapes and sizes. Think is very British thing to take dogs everywhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Walk down steep path to beach, eat our own picnic and then Tom goes off and finds ledge up cliff to read book. Pepper starts snuffling and digging up pebbles and finally finds Tom’s sandwich crusts which he has obviously buried to avoid being told to eat them. Reminds me of lump of cucumber secreted in end of baguette. Quite admire his inventiveness. Amy and I affronted as we are invaded by large group of German students. They practically surround us and are so close that their stuff touches my shoe. Is personal space on beaches a peculiarly British requirement? We glare at them. Momentarily wonder whether I am turning into Victor Meldrew before collecting up stuff and moving to less crowded stretch of beach.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Thursday 25<sup>th</sup> August 11<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Hector (boy) comes to stay. Don’t think he likes my cooking. Chilli mince not well received. Getting fed up of running round after children so tell Tom to find bedding to make up sofa bed where he and Hector intend to sleep (in order to be well placed to play Call of Duty on PS3 until moment they fall asleep and from moment they wake up.) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Friday 26<sup>th</sup> August 11<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Tom announces decision to cook fried egg breakfast for himself and Hector. Tetchiness with domestic servitude worsens when I enter kitchen and inhale noxious smell of burnt egg and discover eggy plates on table, eggy pan unwashed and cooker splattered with burnt egg. Seethe silently. Mood not improved when strip sofa bed in study and discover best linen table cloth has been used as bottom sheet by 2 smelly teenage boys. Bleagh. Emily collects Hector at 11am and I then drive Tom 55 miles to Swindon to meet his girlfriend. Am I mad? What on earth had I been smoking/ drinking when I agreed to it? Turn left onto road between Wilton and A303. Immediate sign for road works and traffic lights ahead. Come to stop behind lorry which I think is in queue to get through said road works. Only after about 8 minutes of not moving and queue of patient fellow motorists building up behind me do I edge round lorry and realise that it is in fact parked and that the road ahead is clear. Oops. Very embarrassing. Can feel cheeks burning. Drive off at top speed which is a bit silly as am sure other drivers do not intend to chase and berate me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At Marlborough Tom asks not unreasonably if we can have some new conditioner as he is concerned to be meeting girlfriend smelling of white nectarine and coral flower. Have several hours to kill in Swindon while Tom spends time with girlfriend. Buy six jumpers in H and M. Eat large cake and read paper in Marks and Spencers. Have run out of things to do when see advert in Body Shop window offering free skin consultations. Woman in shop is very nice and tells me I have lovely skin and don’t look 45. I like her immediately and vow to buy all skin products in Body Shop in future. Rob already back from exercise on Salisbury Plain when Tom and I get home. Looking very manly ( if a bit grubby) in his combats. Very pleased to see him. Take him beer and crisps to have in bath.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Karen Howiesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06355601677785894208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3099439475118710003.post-50223430440355029302012-09-13T00:57:00.002-07:002012-09-26T10:17:31.232-07:00WEEK 22 - 12th-19th August 2011<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Friday 12<sup>th</sup> August 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Drive over the moors again to the auction at Leyburn with all four children. Toby spots two flocks of sheep on hills facing each other. Speculates that they are rival gangs and that we are about to witness<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>sheep gang warfare as the two flocks close in on each other. Have never seen a fighting sheep but don’t have time to stay and watch as are late for auction. Amy’s Mulberry handbag goes under the hammer in first five minutes for huge sum and then everyone loses interest. Toby, Tom and Heloise head for the café. Am horrified moments later to see Toby through window at front of auction room to right of auctioneer. He is moonwalking backwards across window. He then ducks back under window and repeats moonwalk. Amy also sees him and stifles laughter. A couple of minutes later we decide to<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>abandon auction and find the others in the café, each drinking coffee with at least 4 sugars. As sugar rush kicks in they seek out the box of wigs and become quite lairy. Spot member of staff heading our way so<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I quickly march children to the car and we head over to Aldbrough. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Amy always telling me indignantly that ‘teenagers are not children’ but I don’t think she is right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In afternoon go to Barracks to find Robert and thank Hamish the Adjutant for his support last week during cat incident. Ask him if he knows whet happened afterwards ( planning only to disclose that I was stung by hornet. Not planning to reveal where) Hamish says ‘Oh yes everyone knows, it’s gone round like wildfire’. On way home interrogate Rob about what everyone knows. Apparently everything including bum and hospital. Great. Have forgotten since going native in South Wilts what it is like to live on an Army patch. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Saturday 13<sup>th</sup> August 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Barbeque at friends’ house. Dismayed at evident plan to eat in garden as temperature clearly well below zero. Eventually go inside just before hypothermia takes hold. Relief. Reminisce about Newcastle and dreadful nightclub in ship which used to be moored on river called ‘Tuxedo Princess’. I observe that it was full of wide boys. Clearly not a term Amy has heard before who fires off a volley of questions; ‘What’s a wide boy, how wide were they and did they need special doors?’ <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sunday 14<sup>th</sup> August 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">We leave Catterick early and drive to Scotland to visit St Andrews and Edinburgh for Tattoo and Fringe. Arrive St Andrews where we have picnic on sea wall, walk about, eat ice cream, take photos of children next to sign for ‘Butts Wynd’ which they inexplicably find hilarious. Realise after about 2 hours that there is not that much to do in St Andrews and decide to head back to Edinburgh. Staying in Redfern Barracks in large family room with beds all in row like dormitory. Take taxi to city centre and meet Rob’s sister Emma and her boyfriend Charlie for a drink in a swanky hotel (children not allowed in pubs) where a glass of wine is £8!! Comment afterwards that Charlie was looking tired and the children say they just think he looks old(I should point out here that in the childrens eyes 'old' equals anyone over 25.) Perhaps aging process is just a case of people looking more and more tired and that if I slept for a week I would look 21 again. Think am unlikely to have chance to test this theory for some years. After dinner in American diner we watch street performers and Amy falls in love with topless Spanish fire juggler called Jose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Monday 15<sup>th</sup> August 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Am awoken in dorm by very loud seagull and by sound of baby crying. Think latter may have been bad dream. Catch bus into city, all sitting in front row of top deck. Go first to H and M to buy Tom boxer shorts as he has forgotten to bring any and is wearing a pair of Robs which come down to his knees and bunch up when he pulls his jeans up. Amy desperate to shop, shop, shop but the rest of us can’t work up much enthusiasm. Many shops are frankly weird. Tom comments that he thinks Joules is like Jack Wills but for people with a horse. Think he is right. We haven’t got a horse so we exit quickly. In evening all get dressed up in finery and catch taxi to tattoo where we have seats in the VIP box. Very exciting if slightly disconcerting when spot Japanese tourists taking our photo. Tattoo is AMAZING! Gets extremely cold though and I watch most of it from under 3 tartan blankets thoughtfully supplied. Rest of family clearly hard as nails. At after show drinks party we all quaff champagne and Tom eats own body weight of canapés. Mostly mini beef wellingtons and haggis balls. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Friday 19<sup>th</sup> August 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Drive home to Broad Chalke in convoy. After 150 miles, Turbo on Alfa Romeo fails AGAIN causing Rob to lose concentration and miss turning off M1 onto M69. Finally arrive home to find grass almost knee high and that neighbour has cut our hedge again despite being asked not to. Is wanting a bit of privacy a bad thing? Why does he want to look into our garden? Am already cross when I speak to garage in North East where we bought the Alfa and crossness grows when they suggest WE look up the local Alfa garage and WE arrange to have car looked at. Give annoying man benefit of years of ‘Customer Service’ wisdom accrued as;<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">1. Customer Service Manager for Sainsbury’s<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">2. Management trainer specialising in, among other things ‘Customer Service’<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">3. Customer<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Man is clearly an idiot who has never heard of customer service and deserves to be liquidated.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Karen Howiesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06355601677785894208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3099439475118710003.post-78195068680452818982012-09-13T00:47:00.001-07:002012-09-13T00:47:05.138-07:00WEEK 21 - 5th-11th August 2011<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Friday 5<sup>th</sup> August 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My birthday! Happy 45<sup>th</sup> birthday to me. Day starts well with dog walk on moors followed by trip to Barnard Castle where Amy and I cruise antique shops and go to coffee shop where Amy has toffee pecan flapjack plus chocolate milkshake with chocolate ice cream floater. Return to Catterick and in early afternoon get ready to go and play tennis. Notice that cat nowhere in sight. Search house three times and feeling panic stricken conclude that cat must have escaped when I signed for Interflora birthday flowers on doorstep. Day goes rapidly downhill as follows;<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">1. While hunting for cat in wood behind garden I crouch down to look under bush and am stung through my jeans on the bum, having literally disturbed a hornets’ nest. Feels as though have been stabbed by giant needle. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">2. Phone Rob but get Hamish the Adjutant and explain that there is family crisis and I need to talk to Rob quite urgently. Rob not there and am forced to explain nature of crisis (escapee cat) and am aware Hamish thinks I am completely unhinged. He nevertheless promises to send driver to find Rob. Phone Mum and Dad slightly hysterically and ask them if they will come and help search for cat. They arrive 30 minutes later just as terrified cat is caught by Amy in chest high nettle patch. Amy badly stung and scratched by ungrateful creature.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">3. All go back to house and I inspect bum. Swelling resembles third buttock. Apply ice and everyone has a good look. Dad says ‘I haven’t seen your bum for 45 years’. Clearly wasn’t big on nappy changing.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">4. As Mum and Dad leave I notice water pouring down rear outside wall of house. Make phone call but maintenance people say they can’t send plumber until next Tuesday despite fact that leak looks and sounds like Niagara Falls.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">5. Call Hamish and explain that crisis has passed and please can he pass on the message to Rob.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">6. Get call from garage to say repairs to car we have only had for 4 weeks are not covered by warranty and will cost us £1800 to fix.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">7. Tom calls from Worcester (where he is on Young Malvern course with cousins) and forgets to wish me Happy Birthday.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">8. Mum and Dad arrive again for birthday evening of drink in Richmond followed by takeaway curry. As Dad tries helpfully to turn off stop cock in larder, Pepper gets in and eats my birthday cake.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">At this point have sense of humour failure and start to feel sad and sorry for self and then at 11pm after we have all had a few glasses of wine we have to call ambulance as reaction to sting gets worse including awful pain in left arm. Dad collects me and Rob from A and E and we get home at 3.30am. Not exactly the best birthday ever but certainly memorable.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Saturday 6<sup>th</sup> August 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Decide to cancel yesterday’s birthday and re-start celebrations on Sunday when Julia, Charlie, Toby, Heloise and Tom arrive from Worcester.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sunday 7<sup>th</sup> August 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Go to car boot sale in Aldbrough which is part of ‘Aldbrough Feast’ which lasts a week and which has been going on for about 700 years. Look for items for the rather bare quarter. Many enquiries about my bum. Think Mum and Dad must have told whole village. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Family arrive from Worcester and we all have lunch at Mum and Dad’s. Tom has acquired girlfriend and is lovesick and moping but also quietly pleased with himself I think.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Friend of Dad’s comes round for coffee. Used to be boss of the boss of the man being unhelpful about our Brera. He promises to have a little chat with all concerned. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Monday 8<sup>th</sup> August 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As Amy, Tom and I walk to the Barracks to play tennis Amy tells us that she had a dream the previous night that featured an angel telling her to wear mascara. The angel then turned into Beyonce who sang a song called ‘You were raised by monsters’. Amy points out that dreams reflect ones thoughts. Really charming and thank her for sharing this with me. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Get call in afternoon from manager of garage which on Friday proposed charging us £1800 for repair to car we have driven 4 times. Man sounds less sure of himself than sales manager I spoke to on Friday. He asks me if I want to make any contribution to the repair bill and I say ‘No’. He agrees garage will foot whole bill. Yes!!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">See Dads friend in evening and Rob and I thank him for helping out. He says he has done nothing but I don’t believe him. Think there must be some kind of car dealership mafia and he is the Godfather. Hope there were no horses heads involved.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tuesday 9<sup>th</sup> August 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In morning Julia and I take children and (my heart sinks slightly) crazy dogs Zulu and George for a walk in Dales to make the most of sunny weather. Sheep everywhere and I am forced to drive carefully. Nevertheless, Amy keeps making ‘Baaaa BANG!’ sound effects. Walk from Langthwaite in Arkengathdale down to Reeth. Amy somehow gets splattered with cow pat and starts being a bit ‘princessy’ like she’s never seen a bit of cow poo before. Point out that last time we did this walk she stepped in a cow pat so things are improving. Scary George kept on lead for duration of walk but Zulu runs around having a lovely time and swimming in Arkle beck. No small children for him to scare although we do attract the attention of a mad eyed sheep dog which follows us half the way. Slightly unnerving. Think lots of sheep dogs are a bit mad. If they don’t have sheep to round up they improvise with whatever is available- people or even cars. After about 90 minutes walking we seem to get a bit lost and I think of Rob and his insistence on Ordnance Survey maps and thorough planning. We have no map and no mobile signal. Thankfully we find our way back to the footpath and then Zulu has to go on the lead as we walk through a field of sheep. Extraordinary how Zulu pulls like train when on lead, even after prolonged exercise. I offer to hold him to give Julia’s arm a break. We head along track between two high walls which is ankle deep in gloopy cow poo and puddles. Zulu gives a sharp pull on the lead and I let go rather than being pulled into the quagmire. Then have to retrieve brown and sludgy lead and hold it until end of walk. Hand covered in cowpat but can’t make a fuss on account of mini lecture to Amy the princess only a few minutes earlier. Yuk. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Back in Aldbrough in the afternoon Rob and I make a last minute decision to enter Pepper in the Dogs Race which always takes place at the end of the children’s sports. Most years things degenerate into chaos as fights break out and dogs run in the wrong direction or refuse to run at all. Very funny. Have misgivings that Pepper will be like Forrest Gump and just keep running. Tom and I take her to the start line and Rob and Toby go to the finish. The dogs are released across the green and Pepper sets off like rocket and is in the lead until half way when she suddenly takes a sharp right turn and races back to Julia, Mum, Amy and Heloise who are sitting on the grass bank, spectating. She stands there quivering. Strong homing instinct. Obviously thinks she is a pigeon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wednesday 10<sup>th</sup> August 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rush, rush rush. Take children swimming in morning to Richmond. The M-W’s come back for coffee and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>we sit chatting in the sitting room. Amy cuddling the cat when suddenly a worm drops out of her bottom (the cats) onto the arm of the sofa. It is still alive and there is much screaming. The M-W’s depart ( hastily?) We all wash our hands and have lunch. Tom changes his mind about having noodles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After lunch we go to Richmond to buy dog food ( Pepper keeps raiding the sack) and treatment for the wormy bummed cat. Yuk. None available so we head to Tesco and are arriving at 2pm when we get a call from Toby saying that the film all the children want to see is on in Darlington at 2.45. I say we won’t make it in time but the children make puppy dog eyes at me. We rush round Tesco, return home, worm the cat, round up Pepper and lure her into the car boot with a biscuit and head off to Aldbrough, arriving at 2.30. Mum and Julia take the children off and Dad and I get Pepper out of the car to take her for a walk to discover she has done a big poo in the boot. Wonder if my driving scared her? Have to remove rubber boot liner ( thank goodness we have one) and hose it down. Leave Pepper in back garden and drive to Stockton to get Brera. Staff at garage are all crawly bum lick nicey nice. Ha! <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Howiesons 1 <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dodgy car dealerships 0.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Get home to find dog has escaped from back garden but has been returned by kindly neighbour. I am a bit sick of both animals and poo which seem to be taking over my life. Return to Catterick and am forced to have calming glass of wine again. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thursday 11<sup>th</sup> August 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Take Amy and Tom to preview of auction at Tennants of Leyburn to be held tomorrow. Greeted by friendly auctioneer who I have seen on TV on ‘Bargain Hunt’. Tom pronounces all boring except framed poster of Ferrari. Amy likes vintage clothing and Mulberry handbag but both are truly happy when they discover large box of assorted wigs which they precede to try on. We leave before we are thrown out.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Karen Howiesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06355601677785894208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3099439475118710003.post-42032318990710329602012-09-07T00:39:00.001-07:002012-09-07T00:39:25.856-07:00WEEK 20 - 29th July-4th August 2011<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Saturday 30<sup>th</sup> July 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rob and I drive to Surrey for wedding of Army friend in new Brera. Journey not an unqualified success. Engine light comes on after 100 miles and then Turbo cuts out. Have only done 160 miles in car since purchase 4 weeks previously. Limp along with no acceleration. Journey takes 6 hours partly due to slow car but mainly due to gridlock on all roads including M1 and M25. Feel totally enraged and am glad don’t live in South East as believe blood pressure would go through roof. Rob in contrast very calm like Jedi. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sunday 31<sup>st</sup> July 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Return to Yorkshire. Better journey but car still slow. Check on ‘home alone’ cat in Catterick and then to Aldbrough to have lunch and collect Amy and Tom. Ask mother if dogs have behaved. She says yes, apart from Pepper digging hole in back lawn. Inspect hole which is absolutely enormous like shell crater or meteor strike. Feel very bad about this.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">While there Pepper races round garden at top speed, biting Hector’s ears as she flies past. Reflect that Pepper supposed to be keeping Hector young but that in fact he has aged visibly in last 3 weeks. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Monday 1<sup>st</sup> August 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Get call from Rob at work at 10am to say that when he changed into PT kit prior to addressing several hundred soldiers, he discovered he had Amy’s shorts ( put away in wardrobe by me) and asking if I could take in slightly bigger pair. Oops. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tuesday 2<sup>nd</sup> August 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amy and I go to York for the day. Aim to use Park and Ride. Follow signs carefully which abruptly end, but no car park. Find selves in city centre. Go straight to Betty’s and buy a fat rascal which we share as we walk along Stonegate. Amy buys gorgeous trousers in Whistles ( in sale) and is impressed when I tell her Kate Middleton shops there. After spending all money and eating M and S picnic next to the Minster we drive home. Pass beauty parlour in outskirts of city. Amy bemused to see sign which reads ‘Brazilian and blow dry’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wednesday 3rd August 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Take sick car to garage in Stockton followed by Dad who gives me a lift back to Aldbrough. On return I go for coffee with friend Kate while Dad gives Amy driving lesson around field. Slightly worried that Amy and Dad’s short fuses could prove explosive but conclude best policy is to stay out of the way. Return to find Amy calmly drawing in dining room and Dad looking damp. Apparently driving lesson went extremely well. Amy a natural. She reveals Dad told her she was much better than me, Julia or Mum when we were learning to drive! Everything going well until Dad got behind wheel to drive out of field and got stuck in the mud. Had to walk home in rain and get neighbour to pull car out. Amy keen to have another lesson soon.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In evening we notice cat looking wistfully out of window. Rob suggests taking her for walk round garden. Cat tries to bite Amy as she is strapped into harness and when carried outside and put on lawn, crouches low and refuses to move. Amy pulls gently on lead and cat rolls onto side and plays dead. Think dragging cat round garden would be missing point of exercise so we give up and carry cat back inside. Hope neighbours weren’t watching.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Karen Howiesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06355601677785894208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3099439475118710003.post-77876526502666473512012-09-07T00:36:00.001-07:002012-09-07T00:36:06.175-07:00WEEK 19 - 22nd-28th July 2011<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Friday 22<sup>nd</sup> July 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Leave Broad Chalke at 7am and drive to Yorkshire via Salisbury to collect Amy from sleepover at Punky haired Emily’s house. Rather amazingly Amy is up and ready to leave as we draw up outside. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Journey uneventful and fears of cat mania/ dog flatulence unfounded. Arrive Catterick at lunchtime. Point out row of buildings to children on way in and say ‘Those used to be called White Shops’. Amy asks why and I say ‘Because they are shops and are painted white’ and ask what other reason there could be. She says ‘I thought perhaps they used to only serve white people’. I say that we are in Catterick and not Alabama. Think studying Black Civil Rights movement in History lessons has taken over her brain.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Meet Rob at the HUGE quarter and promptly go out to get chips for lunch as only supplies available in house appear to be cereal, ready meals and beer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sunday 24<sup>th</sup> July 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Nephew Toby staying with us. Eats constantly. Think perhaps we are not feeding him enough. After large lunch at Mum and Dad’s we return to Catterick. Are sitting in garden when Tom appears to ask on Toby’s behalf if we can get a takeaway. Answer is ‘No, go and make yourself beans on toast’<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Monday 25<sup>th</sup> July 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Go to Ikea in Gateshead to buy things for house. Amy says she would like to move into Ikea permanently and live on meatballs and Daime bars. I purchase large quantities of scented candles to mask dog smelliness.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tuesday 26<sup>th</sup> July 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Toby asks ‘Can we have a pudding tonight?’ I say ‘No’. Poor Toby. He reveals that he has his recipe book which he has brought with him and that he would like to add a new pudding to it. I say ‘Still no.’ I take new dog to vet for vaccination and drop boys in Richmond.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ask vet if there is any remedy for Pepper’s wind problem. He recommends changing her diet (we already have and she farted before ). He<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>also says she could be farting from nervousness and that it might stop when she settles in to her new home. I hope this happens quickly. Collect boys from market place. Tom tells me that Toby has bought 2 packets of crisps and a box of fudge brownies. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">We walk Hector and Pepper along old railway line on way home. Pass Jack Russell and Pepper watches it with unmistakeable look of predator spotting prey. Keep her on the lead. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wednesday 27<sup>th</sup> July 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amy delightedly tells me that Tom has asked her which actor plays Dobby in the Harry Potter films. She clearly feels this evens things out a bit, particularly the ‘Is Gold a plant?’ comment which Tom has not forgotten. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tom and Toby go to play tennis. I get text from Toby to say he is winning and that Tom is making his ‘I want to kill you’ face. So aggressively competitive! Not my genes. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rob’s orderly comes round to collect various bits of uniform. I show him upstairs to Rob’s dressing room forgetting that have laundry drying on banisters comprising various items of clothing and large quantities of underwear including purple and black bra of Amy’s and Union Jack knickers. Hope he doesn’t notice. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Get call from Army friend asking if I would like to go to Wives Club coffee morning. Nooooooo! They can’t make me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thursday 28<sup>th</sup> July 11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Have small dinner party. Children go and stay with grandparents for night. Pepper starts farting routine and is ejected from sitting room. When some time later I go to kitchen, I discover she has peed on hall carpet and eaten garlic bread in kitchen. Feel at end of tether. Concerned at effect garlic will have on digestive system. Dog on probation and things not looking good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Karen Howiesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06355601677785894208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3099439475118710003.post-1971594805701995222012-07-18T23:57:00.001-07:002012-07-18T23:57:46.094-07:00WEEK 18 - 15TH-21ST jULY 2011<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Friday 15<sup>th</sup> July 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tom finishes school early due to Founders Day at school tomorrow morning. Receive text mid morning which says ’Bus departs Salisbury 14.45 and arrives 15.18 Broadchalke. Welcoming committee would be appreciated’. Which is Tomspeak for ‘ Please meet me from the bus’ </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amy’s 15<sup>th</sup> birthday. Present opening in evening after her return from seeing final Harry Potter, slightly manic and wearing geeky 3D glasses and black zig-zag ‘scar’ on forehead. Pepper further enrages cat by sticking head through cat flap while cat on other side. Think dog is either youthfully enthusiastic or just a bit thick. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Saturday 16<sup>th</sup> July 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Pepper continues to settle in well but is quite naughty;</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">- Seems to think it is Ok to sit on sofa. It isn’t.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">- Keeps putting paws on kitchen work surface</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">- Did big poo on patio</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">- Made large puddle on spare room carpet. Have to face possibility that </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">1. Carpet will be stained yellow</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">2. Room will forever smell of dog wee.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Am trying to stay calm as more to life than nice carpets.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Kiki clearly a cat on the edge. Is tense and moody and bites me when I give her a reassuring pat. Also swipes Hector’s nose with paw when he does the same.(Reassures her that is. Hector has not learnt to pat the cat)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Monday 18<sup>th</sup> July 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Progressing towards animal harmony. Cat sniffs new dogs back leg when dog not looking but then retreats under footstool growling menacingly. When Rob and I walk dogs, cat follows us for 100 metres, hiding in hedge when we look round. Who says cats aren’t team players? </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">While walking, woman in village sees us coming and exclaims’ Another greyhound!’ Rob says rather tersely ‘She’s a lurcher’ but woman takes no notice and says Pepper has Italian greyhound ears.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">After dinner children a bit testy. Conversation as follows;</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amy; ‘You act as though I’m stupid’ (Bends down to pick up cat) ‘I’m a lot more intelligent than you’</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tom; ‘Are you talking to the cat?’</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ouch.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Make shopping list for exciting trip to Ikea with Emily tomorrow which consists mainly of vanilla candles to cover smell of dog farts. Find later that Tom has added the following items;</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Moose flesh for voodoo</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A duck’s spleen</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A Whales placenta</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The…</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Think he got bored at this point and went off to watch The Simpsons with his father.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tuesday 19<sup>th</sup> July 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Trip to Ikea abandoned. Amy unwell and Emily arrives to tell me one of their oak trees lost a large branch in the night which has taken out electricity and phone lines. Emily furious at long conversation with BT employee who, after Emily had explained everything, offered to do a test to determine where the fault was. Emily told him she knew where the fault was as was standing in garden looking at two ends of broken telephone cable. Incroyable!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wednesday 20<sup>th</sup> July 11 </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Pepper behaviour less than exemplary;</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span></span><span dir="ltr"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Starts barking at 6am</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span></span><span dir="ltr"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In morning digs big hole in vegetable patch scattering soil over patio</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span></span><span dir="ltr"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Constant farting. Am getting through a lot of scented candles</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span></span><span dir="ltr"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In afternoon as I am mowing, digs hole in back lawn</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span></span><span dir="ltr"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Keeps biting Hector’s ears</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span></span><span dir="ltr"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">At dinner, steals a potato from Tom’s plate</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Feeling stressed at everything need to do before driving to Yorkshire on Friday morning and wondering whether will actually manage to get 2 teenagers, 2 dogs, a cat, ridiculous amounts of luggage and me in the BMW. Also concerned about dynamics between new dog and cat and how we will cope with all the farting in a confined space. Mother calls and asks whether I would consider stopping in Marlborough on my way North to buy her some fabric for cushions!! No! Am forced to open bottle of wine to calm jangling nerves. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thursday 21<sup>st</sup> July 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tom explains to me that if you strap a piece of buttered toast to a cat’s back ( butter side up) and throw cat/toast into the air a vortex will be created and the cat/toast will be unable to land because cats always land on their feet and buttered toast always lands butter side down.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Am faced with problem of how to contain cat until tomorrow morning when we depart for Yorkshire. Think will have to lock cat flap and get cat to use litter tray. Am worried about this plan for a number of reasons namely whether the cat will remember how to use a litter tray, whether new dog will try to eat contents of litter tray and that by the time we have to catch cat at 6.30am tomorrow and stuff her in her cat box for journey to Yorkshire, she will be very cross.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She will be even crosser when she realises she is under house arrest for the duration of our stay in Yorkshire.</span></span></div>Karen Howiesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06355601677785894208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3099439475118710003.post-26020840933110992752012-07-18T23:52:00.002-07:002012-07-18T23:52:47.649-07:00WEEK 17 - 8 - 14th July 2011<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Saturday 9<sup>th</sup> July 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rob and I attend adoption talk at Dogs Trust. They are coming to do a home visit next week. Have been given a set of instructions on how to manage the relationship between Pepper and the cat, which include</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">1. Keeping Pepper and the cat apart for at least 5 days (easy perhaps when you live in Blenheim Palace. Less easy when you live in a Victorian cottage.)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">2. Wipe each creature with a cloth and give the cloth to the other one. Yuk!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">3. And most alarmingly, introduce them only when Pepper has been exercised and HAS EATEN A BIG MEAL.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hmmm.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sunday 10<sup>th</sup> July 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Obliged to take Amy and Tom to meet Pepper. We take her and Hector for a walk. Worried will be deemed unsuitable adoptive family as we remove her muzzle once out of site of Dogs Trust building and are spotted by Dogs Trust employee. This is against the rules. Then Pepper does poo in middle of dog walking path and we have no plastic bag. Oops.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thursday 14<sup>th</sup> July 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Collected Pepper today. Managed to keep her and the cat apart for a few hours by locking cat in Amy’s room but then carried Kiki into kitchen for introduction. Dog clearly frightened of cat. Cat very unpleasant. Arching back, hissing, spitting and at one point emitted terrifying high pitched growl. Poor Pepper.</span></span></div>Karen Howiesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06355601677785894208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3099439475118710003.post-41651530496676621982012-07-12T14:17:00.001-07:002012-07-12T14:17:33.335-07:00WEEK 16 - 1st-7th July 2011<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Friday 1<sup>st</sup> July 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Pick a strawberry from the garden and cut it in half for Amy and Tom to share. Strawberry tally so far this year; </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Howiesons 1</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Pigeons 95.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Julia calls and I remember to ask how the party in London went. Apparently Charlie’s suit made quite an impression. Julia says champagne was served all night from 7pm until 1am and nibbles mostly meat based which as vegetarian meant she got completely bat faced (seems to be family trait) and that midnight she had lost the power of speech. Charlie and Tom Leigh (host) tried to assess her level of drunkenness by asking the dates of various battles including Agincourt and Waterloo. Charlie disappointed that she got them all right and concluded she was very drunk but on automatic pilot.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amy startled in evening to see topless man in neighbours garden and concerned that he might in fact be completely naked but bottom half obscured by fence. Take a peek at topless man who is in fact neighbour gardening on a hot day so in fact neither deranged nor pervert. I say I think naked gardening unlikely in Broad Chalke at best of times but particularly in summer when lots of nettles and brambles and stinging insects.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rob and parents arrives from Yorkshire. Mum brings the contents of their fridge and Dad brings large rhubarb plant. Very pleased to see them and we all eat curry in kitchen. Mum tells me my hair is looking flat. Think she is turning into Nain (Welsh Grandmother sadly deceased) who routinely told me and Julia that we had put weight on / needed hair cut. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rob has forgotten to bring home all luggage used to take his stuff up to Catterick which means that when Amy, Tom and I head up there in three weeks time we will have to pack belongings in black bin liners like family of hobos. Hope neighbours won’t see. May have to travel at night.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Saturday 2<sup>nd</sup> July 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Spend day gardening and packing. Rob and I supposed to be going on holiday TOMORROW and still nothing booked. Decide Morocco is too hot (96 degrees). Find good spot in garden for rhubarb. I make lemon drizzle cake which we all wolf except mother who declines a slice. Amy says ‘What, are you a freak?’ To which Mum replies that she is but doesn’t want to be a fat freak. Mum on diet. Says she has spoken to physiotherapist Anna about losing weight. I say that talking to physiotherapist unlikely to prove effective and instead recommend eating less. Feel guilty for being mean. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Make Tom packed breakfast and lunch for Rhinelend trip. Breakfast; Bottle orange juice, grapes, 4 cereal bars. Lunch; Pork pie, 2 rounds of peanut butter sandwiches, packet kettle chips, Muller light yogurt, 2 Mr Kipling cakes, 4 crunchy bars, 2 fingers of fudge, bottle of water and 6 fruit juice cartons. Hope he is planning on sharing otherwise likelihood of</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sunday 3<sup>rd</sup> July 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Get up at 4.40am and Dad and I drive Tom to Salisbury to go on school trip to Rhineland. Tom very excited. Get home at 6am and go back to bed.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">At 11am Rob and I leave to go on holiday! Hoorah. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Before reach Shaftesbury get call from Amy to ask what should she do if her Ipod freezes. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Stop for picnic in Somerset. Sit in sunshine and read Sunday papers. Rob’s Mother calls. Asks if we are on our way and we say yes. Asks if we are flying to Marrakesh and we say no we are driving to Torquay. She sounds very confused and then we lose signal. Rob and I laugh slightly manically.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Continue on journey and receive another call from Amy to say that her Ipod is OK now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tempted to turn phones off.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Arrive in Torquay. 24 degrees. Hotel FABULOUS. Enormous room and bed with balcony and stunning sea view. Go to explore town which is full of foreign tourists, genteel elderly couples and fat men with tattoos walking bull terriers. An eclectic mix.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Spend rest of day swimming in hotel pool, sunbathing, drinking wine and eating fish and chips. Enormous seagulls.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Monday 4<sup>th</sup> July 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Go to dining room for breakfast and feel as though have woken up in nursing home for the elderly. Eat three course breakfast and then play 2 sets of tennis. Rob wins 6-0, 6-1. Feel this doesn’t quite reflect performance and that I am clearly the better player. Head off to Salcombe. Get call from Amy asking where the shed key is as she has to take White Spirit to school. Why? Hopefully not as beverage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Salcombe full of public school children, their harassed parents and smart looking dogs. No tattoos or bull terriers. Eat large pasties and try and find somewhere to stay. End up in the Sloop Inn in nearby village. Perfect. Walk over big hill to pub in next door village and receive voice mail from Amy reminding us we have a child at home who we have abandoned to go on holiday. Eat large quantity of pub food. Think may have to return home soon while we still fit in the car. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tuesday 5<sup>th</sup> July 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Weather cold and potentially wet so go to Plymouth to cinema. See Pirates of the Caribbean and eat lots of chocolate. Plymouth full of Spanish and French school children and Punks. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thursday 7<sup>th</sup> July 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Back to Wiltshire. Rob and I go to Dogs Trust at Newton Tony to see William the Saluki who is lovely. We also meet 2 lurchers called Professor Winkle Bottom and Pepper. Rob initially prefers Professor but he ( Professor not Rob) keeps scanning the horizon during our walk as though looking for something to chase. We decide to adopt Pepper who seems more interested in us. She will be Tom’s dog.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In evening Tom returns from Rhineland. Spent all money and seems to have had good time. Produces gifts of Lindt chocolate for all. Has learnt one new German word; ‘Geil’ which apparently means ‘sexy’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tom very pleased about Pepper. Think main challenges of owning lurcher will be ; </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">1. To prevent her running after small furries when taken for walks </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">2. To stop her eating the cat</span></span></div>Karen Howiesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06355601677785894208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3099439475118710003.post-29084878756314281402012-06-24T23:56:00.001-07:002012-06-24T23:56:16.695-07:00WEEK 15 - 24-30th June 2011<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Friday 24<sup>th</sup> June 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Take children to school and go to Tesco. Am rounding end of aisle near checkouts when front wheel hits temporary cardboard display unit knocking off jar of Ragu which another shopper has dumped there. Glass and tomato everywhere and other shoppers look at me as though I have been very naughty. Say loudly ‘ It wasn’t my jar!’ and go to find customer service assistant who is very understanding. Head to chicken aisle and as am loading two trays of chicken breasts and thighs into trolley another one falls of the shelf and lands on the floor with a loud crack. Try to pick up pack but plastic cover has split and there is chicken everywhere. Another understanding member of staff comes to my aid and I apologise and depart at speed with hands all slimy and smelling of raw chicken. Decide to leave store before trail of destruction gets any longer or Tesco think I am some kind of saboteur.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Arrive home to many messages on answer phone. One from Mum and Dad left at 8.30am to say they are sitting on drive of Rob’s new Army quarter in Catterick( in car, not literally) waiting to meet the welfare officer. The call is to let me know that there is mobile coverage at house. Another message is from man who wants to come this evening to see Alfa Romeo for sale. Very exciting!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Julia calls for chat. She and Charlie are going to London for smart party to which Charlie still intends to wear red stripy suit. To complete the look he has grown a droopy moustache.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Mum and Dad call again to say they are now in the quarter which is great. By end of day they have unpacked everything, plumbed in washing machine, are on first name terms with welfare officer and neighbours and pronounce the guardsmen who lent a hand to be ‘lovely’. Interesting that relentlessly sociable parents have produced</span></span></div>
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<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Daughter who says she doesn’t think she really likes other people ( Julia)</span></span></li>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Perhaps is reaction. Like Rob as child of rather hippie mother joining Army. Wonder what Amy and Tom will do in order to be different to me and Rob?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">At 7pm man arrives to look at Alfa Romeo. I am in bath getting ready to go out so Rob takes them for a spin. They decide to buy car. Marvellous. Big relief. Call ‘Bank of Dad’ to say bridging loan unnecessary.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">At 8pm go out for dinner to friends house in village feeling rather boisterous due to successful car sale and proceed to get completely smashed. Not deliberate but due I think to not noticing glass being refilled while deep in conversation. Feel OK until get up from table at end of evening. Rob and I walk home. Is pitch black which makes walking in straight line even more of a challenge.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Saturday 25<sup>th</sup> June 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wake up feeling DREADFUL. Rob tells children (unkindly I think) that I fell into a hedge on the way home. Untrue. Concern though that talked complete jibber-jabber to neighbours at table which is embarrassing as hadn’t met either of them before and they will think I am either</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">1.Idiot</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">2. Pisshead</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Not sure which is worse.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tom has made chocolate cake to sell at market in Bowerchalke village hall. Drive him there and talk to lady in charge who says sadly we cant sell cake as;</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">1. Tom under 18</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">2. We haven’t read and signed food hygiene rules.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I tell her I made the cake and that I have a certificate in food hygiene from days when worked for Sainsbury’s. She remains resolute and we make to leave when another woman approaches us and whispers that she would like the cake so we sell it to her outside the village hall for £4. Tom very pleased. Hope cake is Ok.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Many comings and goings for rest of day. Friends come for lunch. Another friend comes for tea. Children depart at various times to catch buses to Salisbury. Tom staying with Hector in Dinton. Amy, Izzy and Emily staying here. High pitched shrieking dies down at about 11.30pm after repeated requests and R and I finally get to sleep. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sunday 26<sup>th</sup> June 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Girls reveal in morning that they have shaved part of Emily’s hair about her left ear!!! Looks very punky and aggressive. Depart to take Izzy home and collect Tom who plays ‘plastic dog turd’ prank by claiming dog has pooed in boot of car. Momentarily believe him as Hector getting a bit old and doddery. Return home. Rob says Emily’s mum NOT PLEASED with Emily’s new look. Feel slightly responsible as has happened under our roof.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">After lunch take Rob to station to catch train to Yorkshire as starts new job in Catterick tomorrow. Cry all way home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In afternoon dog is sick on Persian rug ( of course). Think has been eating eggshells and scraps of raw pastry from compost heap. Bizarre behaviour as am sure if proffered these items in house would look at us as if we were mad and refuse to touch them. Presumably something illicit about finding edible things at end of garden. Think in future will have to bury food scraps under grass cuttings. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Later notice cat sitting in flower bed chewing one of plants. Why? Tell cat off but know is pointless. Catty pea brain too small to compute.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Monday 27<sup>th</sup> June 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">After school Tom made home made Bounty bar with coconut won at village duck race yesterday. Flakes of coconut and melted chocolate everywhere. Finished product delicious so worth mess I think.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tuesday 28<sup>th</sup> June 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amy and Sassy have ANOTHER D of E meeting from 7 – 9pm at the school. Don’t know what they can possibly be discussing as whole thing now finished. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tom and I have 2 hours to kill so decide to do a bit of shopping. Start off at Pets at Home on Southampton Road. Admire the Fancy Rats and Dagu’s which are particularly feisty. Two fat chinchillas sitting motionless on a branch in their cage. Tom and I decide that pet Chinchillas are completely pointless as they never do anything exciting, in fact never do anything at all. Conclude that may as well have a stuffed one as would in fact be hard pressed to tell the difference. Next we go to Lidl on the hunt for food we used to eat when living in Germany. Fail in our mission but do buy large quantities of peanut butter, Quince jam and ‘Mister choc’ chocolate spread. Also find tripe flavoured ‘Dog Chub’ dog food but decide Hector wouldn’t like it as is more of a ‘prime cuts’ kind of dog. Next we head to Waitrose and I am persuaded to buy Tom 4 cans of shandy bass on the basis that they are displayed on the soft drinks aisle. Surprised at this as it does contain small quantity of alcohol (admittedly less that 0.5%). Am I irresponsible mother? Get call at 8.10pm from Amy to say meeting has finished early. Quite sorry as was enjoying shopping trip. All eat large quantity of chocolate on way home.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thursday 30<sup>th</sup> June 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Teachers on strike! Tom’s school closed but Amy’s still open which puts her in VERY BAD MOOD. She protests that going in to school will be complete waste of time as all teachers off, but I insist she goes in as has saxophone lesson already paid for ( £14 for 30 minutes!!!)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Get automated text from Amy at lunchtime which says ‘Help get me out of this miserable hell hole, hugs and kisses Amy’. Play it to friend Emily who is over for lunch and we laugh a lot. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In evening Amy and I go to Zumba. Feeling quite pleased with self despite not having attended for several weeks then Kizzy introduces new routines and all goes tits up (not literally). Am glad was near back of hall. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dogs Trust ‘Dog of the week’ in Salisbury journal features William the Saluki. Cut out article. </span></span></div>Karen Howiesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06355601677785894208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3099439475118710003.post-36732393355412878902012-06-18T01:51:00.001-07:002012-06-18T01:51:22.508-07:00WEEK 14 - 17th-23rd June 2011<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Friday 17<sup>th</sup> June 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Meet Tom and three friends in Sainsbury’s car park. Sleepover at our house. Tom finishing off mint Aero and smarties milkshake. Even more revoltingly his friend Sam has just finished Bakewell tart and custard milkshake on top of bag of chips. Yuk! Worry that boys may actually be sick on way home so drive slowly up the Chalke Valley. Prepare huge supper of chicken and chips for boys and Amy and then Rob, Hector and I escape to pub. Debate whether taking dog is wise decision as is doing awful cabbagy farts. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Show Rob article in paper saying that shirts worn by Bee Gees and John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever are apparently back in fashion. Later Rob enters sitting room with shirt unbuttoned to waist and asks us what we think. Fortunately no sign of medallion but still gets unanimous thumbs down. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Saturday 18<sup>th</sup> June 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">After breakfast Rob buys car. Alpha Romeo Brera. Hasn’t yet sold old car so we now have 3 cars ( 2 of which look the same to me) and no money.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Get ready for Allison and Stephen’s wedding. Tell Rob we need to leave at 11am but he decides to clean car and is still wandering round the garden in his jeans with bucket and sponge at 10.40. Try to stay calm to avert tension induced migraine. Rob comes in at 10.45 and announces it only takes 10 minutes to drive to Tisbury so we don’t need to leave until 11.30. Aaaaggghhh.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Leave the house at 11am. Just as well, as manage to find every church in Tisbury except the one where the wedding is taking place. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Lovely wedding service and surprisingly brief despite 5 hymns and Holy Communion and Allison’s suggestion that we might want to bring a book. Torrential showers have everyone dashing back into church during the photos. Rain stops and everyone emerges from church only for rain to start again. Rob and I make a run for the car which Rob has parked against grassy bank. I cannot get into passenger seat and have to hurl myself onto back seat. Manoeuvre made difficult by very tight dress. Worry that large silk hat lent by Julia will become misshapen due to dampness.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wonderful wedding reception in Bowerchalke village hall, apart from Rob informing me AFTER half hour conversation with friends doing catering that I have red lipstick on both canines ‘which looks quite horrible’ like vampire. Tempted to pour glass of wine over his head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Afterwards R and I don jeans and boots and walk home across the fields. Takes an hour but at least is sunny and warm. Feel very tired when get home (nothing to do with volume of champagne and wine consumed)and have brief power nap on sofa. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Have supper on laps with Amy and Tom and watch film. Rob clears away plates. Amy leaves room and exclaims loudly that cat has been sick in food bowl to which Rob says ‘ No she hasn’t that’s your mothers lasagne’. Not very nice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wednesday 22<sup>nd</sup> June 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">No enquiries about Alfa Romeo for sale. Panic slightly and go to ‘Bank of Dad’ to ask for bridging loan. Request granted!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amy arrives home in high spirits and announces that Zombie auditions are being held for Brad Pitt’s latest film for which you get paid £130 per day. Refrain from making smart arse comment about typecasting but do point out that as auditions are in Glasgow and that filming takes place during the last week of the school term, I don’t think it’s a goer. Amy says she wishes she had a fun parent. Oh dear.</span></span></div>Karen Howiesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06355601677785894208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3099439475118710003.post-38849649662311841502012-06-10T14:04:00.000-07:002012-06-10T14:04:06.227-07:00WEEK 13 - 10-16th June 2011<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Friday 10<sup>th</sup> June 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amy returns from London accompanied by Tom's Godmother who turns round and returns to London with Tom who is spending weekend her eating out and visiting London Aquarium (again the sea life theme!) Amy asks Rob what has happened to his hair.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Saturday 11<sup>th</sup> June 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Get up early and help Amy get ready to depart for final assessed D of E expedition. Sunny day but heavy rain forecast for Sunday. Amy asks if there is anything I can give her to make her go to the loo now to avoid going behind a bush later. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Phone rings at 10. Is Becky, mother of Izzy. She says she has deposited girls at start point and that Amy seemed in particular high spirits, announcing when dropped off ‘ Come on girls, today I am going to teach you to ride a cow’. Wonder aloud what she had for breakfast. An illegal substance? Too many coco pops?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Phone rings at 11am. Is Amy on Marlborough Downs calling to say her group is lost. Feel somewhat anxious.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sunday 12<sup>th</sup> June 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wake up at 7am to the sound of rain. Think of Amy and team sleeping in tent and then having to walk 18km.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">While having coffee round kitchen table Tom notices slight lump under rug. Pulls back rug to reveal very flat and dead mouse. Am embarrassed as have his Godmother staying and have no idea</span></span></div>
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<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">How mouse got under rug</span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">How long it has been there</span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">How many times it must have been walked over to become so flat.</span></span></li>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amy returns late afternoon. Soaking wet, cold, tired and tearful. She has passed for Bronze D of E. Am very pleased and a little bit amazed.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Monday 13<sup>th</sup> June 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tom appears at breakfast and asks ‘Do you remember the time Dad put cornflakes in the teapot because I have just thrown my pyjamas down the loo instead of in the laundry basket’. Fortunately loo had been flushed beforehand. I empathise by revealing I once forgot to take my bra off in the shower. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tuesday 14<sup>th</sup> June 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Receive jubilant call from my parents who have been tasked with finding various ‘things’ for Rob’s Army quarter in Catterick, to say they have bought second hand Dyson, microwave oven and canteen of bone handled cutlery all for £20. Like a couple of elderly Wombles. Email Rob to pass on the good news.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tom displeased that we are having ‘ bag of brown’ from the freezer for dinner. Have to admit it doesn’t look great but when cooked turns into delicious beef casserole. Yum. Rob away but make point of telling him this when he calls later. Ha! </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wednesday 15<sup>th</sup> June 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Get another call from the Yorkshire Wombles to say they have bought a freezer from a neighbour for £30 and also have a nearly new washer/dryer which they got for nothing from another neighbour who was about to take it to the tip. Think perhaps they should consider starting ‘rag and bone’ business as clearly talented. They are now on the hunt for a fridge, dishwasher and bicycle.</span></span></div>Karen Howiesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06355601677785894208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3099439475118710003.post-41062726172939987232012-06-03T14:43:00.001-07:002012-06-03T14:43:27.853-07:00WEEK 12 - 3rd-9th June 2011<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Friday 3<sup>rd</sup> June</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Very hot day. Went to open air swimming pool to cool off. Unfortunately pool and area around it proved to be micro climate of cold and windiness. Sat down to read and noticed that having changed, Amy had stuffed her bra and pants in my handbag despite having own bag. Exclaimed and made to remove offending articles but told by Amy ‘Don’t touch it.' What a princess. Tom told off by lifeguard for doing back flips into pool. Shivered for an hour and then all went back to friend's garden where still hot and windless. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sunday 5<sup>th</sup> June</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Back in Broad Chalke. Woken at 4.40am by noisy cat. Thought perhaps food bowl empty so went downstairs. Food bowl full so have no idea what problem could be as eating is cats only pastime apart from sleeping and killing things. Went back to bed. Woken by dog barking at 6. Wondered what was going on with the animals. Perhaps is full moon. Wonder how things are in Worcester where animals are already mad. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Encourage Amy to pack for her week of work experience with fashion designer in London. All chosen outfits lovely but veto orange skirt as indecently short. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">All took Amy to Salisbury station to catch train to Waterloo where being met by Alex. As waiting on platform for departure, mobile rang. Was Amy calling from seat on train. Told her to get off phone as mobiles not allowed in carriage (pointed to poster on window next to her). Asked her to text me every 20 minutes of journey and not to talk to odd looking man sitting across the aisle. Shed a tear as train pulled out. Am clearly turning into my mother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">While putting away clean laundry in afternoon, notice that Amy’s orange skirt is missing from wardrobe. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Monday 6<sup>th</sup> June</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Get text from Julia to say that Toby has eaten ENTIRE Simnel cake!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tom arrived home and showed me latest Art. Studying Henri Matisse and had to make drawings in style of Matisse on subject of freedom. Tom had drawn rocket powered whale and dolphin riding a motorbike, both slightly cartoony. Enquired whether T had received any feedback from teacher. He had and it was not encouraging. Tom’s art has always been a bit ‘off the wall’ and frequently ridiculed by Amy. His favoured subjects have included (in chronological order)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">1. Pterodactyls</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">2. Sharks (usually in the act of eating people or other sea life)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">3. Dolphins </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">4. Bats</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He also once did a very good picture of a Perch ( the fish). I think he may be a creative genius, but then I am his mother.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tuesday 7<sup>th</sup> June</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rob working from home and is complete computer hog. Barely have chance to check emails all day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Take revenge by planting bay tree in his potato patch. So far I don’t think he’s noticed. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wednesday 8<sup>th</sup> June 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hair clippers arrive , ordered by Rob on internet. Tom impulsively decides to let me clipper his hair in the kitchen. Both slightly nervous and situation made worse by starting off with wrong attachment. (Number 3 instead of number 4) Take large chunk out of back of hair leaving it too short. Say ‘Oh my God’ and ‘Oh f***’ in alarm. Tom asks me not to say these things as is disconcerting. Final hairdo actually rather successful. Less happy with Rob’s which I feel is result of his long, detailed but confusing instructions. In the end he tries to do it himself and ends up looking like he has mange round his ears. Not a great look for a Commanding Officer or for anyone really.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thursday 9<sup>th</sup> June 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Notice in evening that the dog’s ears smell strongly of Rosemary. Ask Rob if he has noticed this. Conclude that dog has been foraging for bird bread in rosemary bush which surrounds bird table. Think if he goes out smelling like that the neighbourhood dogs will beat him up or mistake him for roast leg of lamb and eat him. </span></span></div>Karen Howiesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06355601677785894208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3099439475118710003.post-61544243515980094232012-05-28T05:59:00.001-07:002012-05-28T05:59:16.976-07:00WEEK 11 - 27th May - 2nd June 2011<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Friday 27<sup>th</sup> May</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Last day of work. Feels like am about to be released into community after lengthy jail term.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Am leaving to start course in interior design. Hoorah!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Met Tom after school / work and killed time while Amy has hair cut. Went to M and S as T needed loo. He was AGES. Had to sit down on chair to wait.Tempted to call him on mobile. Finally reappeared and went to collect Amy. Amy hair short and in asymmetric bob.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">At dinner Rob told Amy she looked like Phil Oakey of Human League. Blank looks so googled picture. Amy still baffled as Phil Oakey now completely bald. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sunday 29<sup>th</sup> May</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">All went to Katie-Jaynes in evening for dinner. Delicious steak. In lull after main course observed that all place mats feature Australian creatures. (K-J lived out there for some years so house full of Australiana like didgeridoos and giant wooden lizards). Told assembled company that my mat featured a kangaroo. Amy replied that hers had a long-necked turtle and an enchilada. I think echidna was the word she was looking for. Much hilarity. After dinner Tom and Rob tasked with putting chickens and ducks to bed. Away so long I went to look for them and found them both cuddling chickens at the end of the garden. Managed to persuade them to return indoors but halfway down garden Rob became distracted by guinea pig. Gave up and went back to house for another glass of wine.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Monday 30<sup>th</sup> May</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Called Julia in morning. Discussed Rob’s strange affinity with Guinea pigs. (Love that Guinea pig in French is cochon d’Inde which translates as Indian pig.) Told Julia about friendly chickens next door. She said they had just taken delivery of 15 ex-battery hens which refuse to go to bed. Much chicken chasing previous night and one escaped over rear garden fence. Julia and children had to jump in car and race round streets to rear of garden wielding sticks where managed to corner chicken. Drove back to house with chicken on Heloise’s knee. Neighbours must think they are completely barmy.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Australian placemat talk continued at lunchtime when Tom said his mat had shown a lesser spotted taco and Rob said his was of a flat coated chimichanga and a flock of tortillas. Amy took this quite well but joke starting to wear thin. Think may start to lash out if smart arse comments continue.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tuesday 31<sup>st</sup> May</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Went shopping in Swindon. Found Elvis wig for dogs in Hawkins Bazaar. Also managed to find lots of graffiti. Had enchiladas for dinner in Amy’s honour.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wednesday 1<sup>st</sup> June</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Up to Worcester to see Julia, Charlie and children. Took gifts of wine and Simnel cake for Toby who loved ours at Easter ( the cake, not the wine). All taken aback by how much Zulu (9 year old Labrador)has grown since last visit. Think he may have eaten all the pies. Julia very defensive of dog weight gain and insisted larger appearance due to ‘baggy skin’ which apparently is well known in ageing dogs. J said that Murphy ( our deceased chocolate lab) was another example of this phenomenon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not best comparison to make as Murphy known to all as greediest dog in UK and possibly world. Went with Julia to collect George (Border Terrier) from poodle parlour where was being stripped. Drove home with George on back seat smelling very strongly of soap and shedding fluff whenever he moved. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Charlie modelled red shiny suit made by tailor in Tunisia. Worse than could possibly have imagined especially with white slip on shoes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First outing for suit will be to smart 40<sup>th</sup> birthday party in London next month. If I was Julia I would arrive and leave separately.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Julia clearly still feeling defensive of pets. Later in day produced book about Border Terriers as proof that George is normal for breed. Pointed out that pictures gave no scale of dogs featured and that while George may look like Border Terrier he is twice the size of any others I have seen, hence nickname -GMD (Genetically Modified Dog). </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Toby also much bigger than when last saw him and eating like horse. Something in water?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Later went in to town where Charlie bought black satin shirt to wear with red shiny suit.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thursday 2<sup>nd</sup> June</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Woken at 6am as usual by Zulu and George howling. Mad house. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Later in morning went for walk in Malverns where Julia asked by friendly fellow dog walker what breed of dog George was. Didn’t dare make eye contact with Amy or Tom. Lovely walk only marred slightly by Julia screaming at Zulu who ran round frightening small children. George kept on lead as untrustworthy and uninsured.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Returned to Worcester and presented with large jar of ‘Charlie’s Bee Juice’ by Charlie. First honey from his own hives. Impressed!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Left mad family in afternoon to return to Shrivenham where staying in friends empty house.</span></span></div>Karen Howiesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06355601677785894208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3099439475118710003.post-80060860603454110132012-05-23T08:27:00.001-07:002012-05-23T08:27:49.458-07:00WEEK 10 - 20- 27th May 2011<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Friday 20<sup>th</sup> May</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amy and I to Waitrose after work to buy essentials for D of E expedition which included Dry Shampoo ( Is this really necessary when only away for one night? I think not.), large quantity of TUC biscuits, jelly babies and a cucumber. Realised at checkout that debit card missing from wallet. Mild panic. Paid for weird shopping with credit card, collected Tom and friends and headed to train station where remembered had made last purchase with card 24 hours previously. Relieved and happy to discover they had found my card, short lived when told that they had shredded it. Tempted to say ‘Oh bloody great, thank you very much’.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amy packing for D of E expedition. Planning to take Rob’s 60 litre rucksack. Rob tentatively suggested smaller rucksack might be better but Amy fiercely adamant that there was no way it would hold all her stuff. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rob, Hector and I decide to decamp to pub which would normally be relaxing but this time full of shouting toddlers. Return home after one drink.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">On arriving home Tom complains of bright red and sore arm caused by Amy attempting to wax it. Asked why he allowed her to do this. He said ’allow’ wasn’t really the term he would choose as she had run into the study where he was playing CoD with Sam and Hugh and slapped hot wax strip on his arm. Wax not hot enough so no hairs lost but neither would it come off so had to be removed with washing up scrubby- sponge. Promise will speak to Amy. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rucksack decision finalised when Rob gets 60 litre version out of attic and Amy unable to lift it even when empty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Entertained during dinner by Tom’s friend Hugh showing us how to snap bananas.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Saturday 21<sup>st</sup> May</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sassy, Izzy and Naomi arrive to be taken by me to Marlborough Downs. Enormous rucksacks. Struggle lifting Sassy’s into boot of car. Izzy says ‘Oh my god did anyone pack any lip gloss?’ I say nothing. In car Izzy says ‘Look I brought my special birdy hair clip’. I remain silent. Girls sing extremely loudly all the way. Drop them off feeling deafened and apprehensive. At least weather sunny.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Go for lovely sunny walk with Rob, Tom and Hector round village and through water meadow. Step in very sloppy cow pat. Spend time talking to herd of young cows who are fascinated by Hector. Hector less keen and slinks off. Cows allow us to stroke their heads and try to lick us. Tom very taken by them and hard to drag him away.</span><a href="" name="_GoBack"></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sunday 22<sup>nd</sup> May</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Return of the trekker. Tired, dirty, wearing the same clothes she set off in yesterday and apparently having eaten nothing but custard creams for 36 hours. Izzy lost the special birdy clip.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hoping for nice family evening all together but Tom refusing to come downstairs as Amy watching dreadful old film in sitting room starring ‘El Flopso’, which is Tom speak for Hugh Grant.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Spoke to Julia. Charlie still working in Tunisia and having party suit made out of stripy red fabric. Think is time he came home.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Monday 23<sup>rd</sup> May</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ensuite smelly again. Noooooooooo!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rob and I notice in evening that strawberries in back garden are being eaten by something. Can’t imagine slugs are culprits. Wonder if is cat but not sure if cats eat fruit. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tuesday 24<sup>th</sup> May</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tom spots rabbit crossing front garden as leave for school/ work. Think probably is strawberry thief.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cat exonerated. Tom asks for permission to shoot rabbit with air rifle.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Children starving after school. Hurriedly prepare dinner of bangers and mash. Wonder why potatoes making squeaking sound and taking ages to boil. Realise belatedly have forgotten to put water in pan. Cut charred bits off potatoes and use clean, non-blackened pan. Hope gravy will disguise burny taste .Seems to work as children do not comment and clear plates. Phew! </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wednesday 25<sup>th</sup> May 11</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Throughout day keep receiving odd web links from Rob who is either bored or losing plot. First was an article about skydiving dogs. (They do jumps with their special forces handlers.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apparently dogs don’t mind jumping out of planes as they lack awareness of the distance to earth. They are more concerned by the engine noise. Interesting. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Next I receive link to information about Alfa Romeo Brera. Think Rob might be fancying new car. Brera looks to me exactly like Alfa Romeo we already have but am sure there must be subtle differences I am missing. </span></span></div>Karen Howiesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06355601677785894208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3099439475118710003.post-14209879054565069202012-05-18T02:52:00.002-07:002012-05-18T02:52:20.179-07:00WEEK 9 - 13th - 19th May 2011<div class="ListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Friday 13<sup>th</sup> May</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Emailed Rob from work in thoughtful ‘wifey’ mode and asked if he would like anything special for dinner as was going to Waitrose after work. R replied with web link to complex curry recipe. What happened to a simple ‘I’ll have bangers and mash please’ kind of response?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tom called on mobile as was finishing work to say he and Joe would like pizza for dinner as he (Tom) couldn’t use cutlery with broken finger. Rather lame excuse but said OK.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">On way home Amy told Joe (coming for sleepover and the one who’s foot connected with Tom’s finger) that we were considering taking legal action. Joe replied fine with him as mother a personal injury lawyer. Note to self; Don’t mess with Joe. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Saturday 14<sup>th</sup> May</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Called upon to wash Tom’s hair as tricky with one hand. Found him in bath wearing flannel as loin cloth and with sandwich bag on left hand.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Mother in law visitation. Estimated touchdown 12.30pm. Arrived promptly and apparently had good journey apart from seeing dead wallaby at the side of the road near Oxford (Hmmm) and hitting heavy traffic near Stonehenge (not literally).</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Gardened in afternoon and m-i-l spent an hour digging dandelions out of back lawn! Extremely helpful but hope this is not expected to be reciprocal arrangement.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amy revising for GCSE Biology and Chemistry and planning D of E expedition on phone with Izzy. Said they have decided to travel light by sharing make-up bag. Good grief. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rob complaining that freezer full of nothing tasty, only large quantity of ‘bags of brown’ which are mine and which I should eat. Have no idea what these ‘bags of brown’ are. Suppose will have to investigate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sunday 15<sup>th</sup> May</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Stung by criticism of freezer management. In quiet moment examine contents which do prove to be largely unidentifiable. Not sure what to do as;</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">1.</span><span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span></span><span dir="ltr"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Don’t wish to eat any of it.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">2.</span><span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span></span><span dir="ltr"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Can’t get anything else into freezer. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">3.</span><span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span></span><span dir="ltr"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hector still on DOG FOOD ONLY regime so no ‘bags of brown’ for him.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thursday 19<sup>th</sup> May</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Unsettling breakfast caused by cat racing round house at top speed with mad look in its eye. Walked up Church Bottom at 07.30 with dog who provided much more relaxing company. Think he is becoming short sighted though as raised hackles and rushed up track to what he clearly thought was<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>another creature but which was actually lump of wood. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">At work Amy appeared at my desk with Izzy at 2.15 having sat first GCSE. Both in high spirits and steal bright blue plastic shoe covers (for snowy days) which they proceed to wear on heads. Don’t remember being this manic in middle of my O’Levels.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Notice on return home that Persian rug is being made smelly by dog sitting on it all day. Wonder why old dogs become smelly when old people do not. Mum and D</span></span><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">ad both very fragrant. Open back door to let in fresh air. Cat sitting on door mat eating entire dead mouse. Lovely.</span></span></div>Karen Howiesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06355601677785894208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3099439475118710003.post-71963008754810723212012-05-13T09:35:00.001-07:002012-05-13T09:35:30.175-07:00WEEK 8 - 6th - 12th May 2011<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Saturday 7<sup>th</sup> May </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Drove to London to see Army v Navy match at Twickenham. As approached stadium became aware that were surrounded by coach loads of beer drinking supporters. As drew alongside one coach Amy and Tom greatly amused to be mooned by male passenger. Amy took photo of ‘the bum’ on her new camera. Finally parked car and made way to stadium, stopping to buy something to eat on way. Children and Robert delighted that I was harassed by group of soldiers who wanted to share my chips. Beery but amiable atmosphere in stands. Very exciting match (Army won 44-10) made more so by well-built streaker invading the pitch in the second half. Observed he was wearing his socks. Stewards chased and caught him to loud booing from crowd. Fortunate perhaps that by this stage Amy’s camera had run out of battery.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Stayed at friends flat near Olympia and in evening walked to High Street Kensington past restaurants, Iranian supermarket and kinky underwear shop with bizarre zip up bra and knickers in the window. All had a good look and agreed must be really uncomfortable and I said a bit of a hazard too if you got pubic hair or private parts stuck in zip. Tom in full agreement but Amy ‘grossed out' by my comments and demanded end to conversation.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amy disappointed by the lack of graffiti for her to photograph for GCSE art project. I said what did she expect in Kensington and that Chelsea and that Westminster on Sunday unlikely to prove more fruitful. Not keen on making detour via graffiti rich area on way home to Chalke Valley. Am I being unsupportive mother? Might be some graffiti in Salisbury.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sunday 8<sup>th</sup> May</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To Wellington Barracks for Scots Guards remembrance Service and march to Horse Guards.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tom not pleased at having to wear smart trousers and shirt. Complained that looked like mental patient, which he did a bit. Amy looking very pretty but skirt extremely small like handkerchief. Rob smart in suit although discovered belatedly that medals needed cleaning . Tried Body shop make up remover but didn’t work. Spent first 5 minutes at Wellington Barracks hunting in vain for Brasso.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Saw many Scots Guards officers, past and present who hadn’t seen for long time. Children squirming slightly at being told how much they had grown. All enjoyed running alongside marchers to Horse Guards. Spotted Rob grinning in midst looking quite foxy in the sunshine (in the ginger sense but also very attractive of course) He wasn’t best pleased by first observation and insists is blond ( Complete rubbish. Hasn’t been blond since age 3 judging by photos).</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Back at Wellington Barracks children bemused to see Japanese tourist watching Jack Russell terrier being walked on lead inside railings by retired officer and then actually taking photo of it peeing against tree. Had to shush children who were becoming lairy.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">After all Army stuff went to Kings Road and had lunch at MacDonalds. Big Yum. Rob dropped into conversation that mint and tea tree shower gel stings him. I said why on earth did he buy it then as had also brought children out in rash and why buy shower products that are painful? He said he had bought 2 bottles and didn’t want them to go to waste. Children said they got rash from using lemon soap not tea tree shower gel. Silly me.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sunday evening at home Tom asked me who I had been talking to about Elvis at Wellington Barracks. Baffled as had no recollection of discussing Elvis with anyone. He insisted a chubby army officer had told me his son Elvis was going to Sandhurst.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Racked brains and finally remembered that chubby officer had been talking about his ELDEST , not his ELVIS. Said that despite changing times I thought it unlikely that guards officer would have son called Elvis. Amy and Rob snorting with laughter. Tom embarrassed by mistake and got quite bolshy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Finally got soap dish to stick to wall of ensuite shower.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Woken in night by sound of soap dish falling off wall of shower. Will return it to shop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thursday 12<sup>th</sup> May</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Got call on mobile at lunchtime. Tom suspected broken finger. On way to school, calculated have been in A and E more than once a year for last 13 of Tom’s life;</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">1.</span><span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span></span><span dir="ltr"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Cycling into stone column outside Buckingham palace while looking at Concord</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">2.</span><span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span></span><span dir="ltr"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tripping on bathmat and gashing head on doorframe</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">3.</span><span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span></span><span dir="ltr"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Falling in classroom and putting teeth through cheek. How?</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">4.</span><span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span></span><span dir="ltr"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Intolerance to dairy products until aged 5</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">5.</span><span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span></span><span dir="ltr"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Croup</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">6.</span><span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span></span><span dir="ltr"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Getting sawdust in eye when cleaning out rat</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">7.</span><span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span></span><span dir="ltr"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Suspected broken arm/ wrist x3</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">8.</span><span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span></span><span dir="ltr"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Cauterisation of left nostril</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">9.</span><span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span></span><span dir="ltr"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Cauterisation of right nostril</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">10.</span><span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span></span><span dir="ltr"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Damaged<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Achilles tendon caused by pushing off rugby boot with one foot and slamming heel of other foot on concrete floor </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">11.</span><span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span></span><span dir="ltr"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Finger injured during game of tag when came into contact with friend Joe’s shoe. How? We never played tag with our feet. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Got home at 4.30 after 3 hours in A and E. Finger broken. In evening Tom called Rob and then Mum and Dad to elicit sympathy. Tom said Mum had told him he’d ‘been in the wars’. Asked if she had called him a ‘Poor little sausage’. She had, but surprisingly did not say ‘If you’d do that to yourself what would you do to me?’</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bizarre coincidence in A and E which would not be credible even in corny TV drama; In x-ray bumped into Katie-Jayne and younger daughter Tasmin, the latter with suspected broken arm. Returned to waiting room to find Tom’s best friend Hector and mother Emily. Hector also with suspected broken arm. Began to hope Tom’s finger was broken otherwise might appear wimpy by comparison.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In evening had glass of wine with Katie-Jayne, necessary for mothers who have spent all afternoon in A and E. Both Tasmin and Hector’s arms broken. </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>Karen Howiesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06355601677785894208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3099439475118710003.post-40124062312554024292012-05-10T09:35:00.000-07:002012-05-10T09:35:05.153-07:00WEEK 7- 29th April - 5th May 2011<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Friday 29<sup>th</sup> April</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Royal wedding day! All very excited except Dad and Rob who departed early to buy newspaper and walk dog. Started watching TV at 8.30am . People already arriving at Westminster Abbey 2.5 hours before start of service. Expect there will be many numb bums and people desperate for a pee. Are there public loos in Westminster Abbey? Toby spotted newsagent and wife from Kate Middleton's home village but Rob (having returned)pointed out that it was actually the Sultan of Brunei . </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Caught Mum adding marmite to dogs bowl to try and tempt his appetite. Said that I thought probable cause of dog’s food faddiness was expectation of marmite/ gravy and that marmite was too salty and expensive for dog. Mother chastened.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Saturday 30<sup>th</sup> April</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Got up early as Katie-Jayne away and therefore am on duck, chicken, quail and guinea pig duty. Collecting eggs from duck house when put hand in duck poo. Said ‘Yuk’ loudly, stood up too quickly and fell over backwards. Fortunately managed not to drop eggs. Observe that quail are small but very greedy. Cockerel being<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>territorial and pecked my leg.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Julia and Mum took Heloise for cycle practice to school car park. Julia went on my bike to show solidarity and managed to fall off while stationary (How?)then Heloise came off bike in nettle patch on way home. Mental image of Julia toppling off bike sideways very amusing until realised she had bloodied both knees. Heloise also covered in nettle stings. Disastrous! Glad mother went on foot. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dad said he and Mum would like to pay for marmite supplement to dog’s diet for remainder of dog’s life. Explained again<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a bit testily that this was not going to happen. Good grief!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sunday 1<sup>st</sup> May</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Call from Dad on cross channel ferry to France to say he had found our shed key in pocket. Think Dad has shed fixation. Lucky we have a spare.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As was remaking spare bed after departure of thousands of guests, Tom announced wish to become vegetarian. Surprising. Pointed out that for a meat and potato fan who doesn’t much like vegetables this was a slightly flawed plan. Hope this will quash idea for time being.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Have decided dog to be given NO HUMAN FOOD. Think he is getting too many scraps which seems to prefer to own (admittedly dull) food.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Monday 2<sup>nd</sup> May</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dog appetite restored! It’s a miracle. And all without Marmite. Must inform parents.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rob, Amy, Tom and I took Hector for walk through village, past watercress beds and allotments. Passed psychotic rescue dog which looks like wolf with owner. Psycho dog started making loud and alarming yowling sound unlike any sound I have ever heard. Glad was on other side of fence. Owner seemed embarrassed and said behaviour was due to lack of confidence. Extraordinary! Children started laughing hysterically. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tuesday 3<sup>rd</sup> May</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Item on radio on way to school/work about discovery of prehistoric breed of ants as big as small birds. Amy said her bum was itchy, probably due to thinking of ants. I said maybe she had bum infection or bottom-lice. Amy outraged and refused to continue conversation. I said she had started it and I never wanted to hear about her itchy bottom in the first place.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Followed car containing bald man. Amy said if she was going bald she would paint bald patch same colour as hair, in this case brown. I said I didn’t think this would prove much of a disguise, particularly if paint started flaking off. Amy suggested cutting out a circle of felt and sticking it to head. I said this was also rubbish idea as might be mistaken for a hat. Arrived at school before could come up with any other ideas. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">After work purchased soap dish with sucker pads to fix on side of en suite shower. Spent 20 minutes trying to assemble and attach it to tiles . Kept falling off. Stood on bar of squishy soap in bare feet. Abandoned plan. Suggested to Rob he might have more success but he said ‘These things are always rubbish’ in real ‘know it all’ tone.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>Karen Howiesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06355601677785894208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3099439475118710003.post-75356669343681570092012-05-06T13:55:00.002-07:002012-05-06T13:55:40.129-07:00WEEK 6 - 22nd - 28th April 11<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Friday 22<sup>nd</sup> April</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rob has built wooden structure to break up appearance of long thin garden and provide something for wisteria to grow up. Looks like gibbet but don’t like to say so.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Mum and Dad arrived for Easter and immediately started gardening, assembling rose arch made by father in shed and generally being helpful. Like having two house elves, one large and one small.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dog refusing to eat.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tuesday 26<sup>th</sup> April</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Came downstairs at 7am to find cat squatting on rug in kitchen staring fixedly at fire place. Rescued frightened mouse from grate where it had squeezed behind fire guard to escape clutches of death cat. Managed to get cream cardigan covered in ash and soot. Put mouse in compost heap and went to get changed. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">On return home, murderous cat again had mouse which looked suspiciously similar to one from earlier. Performed second rescue of mouse which then bit me, drawing blood. Worried all evening that might develop strange, mouse borne disease. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Brother in law Charlie due to go to Tunisia today but was stung by bee and spent part of night in A and E after bad reaction. Why is our family plagued by insect bites? Is a bee an insect?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Trying to decide menu for Royal Wedding day. Has to be British. Tom sulking because curry ruled out. (Only because have eaten own body weight in curry lately. Am of course aware that Chicken Tikka Masala is favourite national dish.).Think will have fish and chips and mushy peas( optional). Children very scathing of my Northern fondness for mushy peas. Julia bringing lots of asparagus from Evesham which will be lovely apart from smelly wee. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dog still not eating.</span></span></div>Karen Howiesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06355601677785894208noreply@blogger.com0